Saturday, August 1, 2009

One swineflu does not a summer make

Mrs EEjit also full of it.


US.


Are they swifts or swallows,
I can never tell
and did either of them ever make a summer anyway?
Hard to believe ,now,
in the detritus and deus ex machina of our lives,
as we look with cool autumnal stare,
that once, vital, we loved and bobbed and weaved
upon the wing ,dewy-eyed
and without a care.

TFE Poetry Ireland Review no 71

Anyone who doesn't like the sight/sound of an overgrown man wallowing in self pity and misery, turn over now.On the other hand it won't be forever as I'll either die ,or get better and cheer up,either way the moaning will stop. Currently after another rotten night I am bathed in sweat and appear to have an ice-pick stuck between my shoulder blades,or that's what it feels like.
It gets into you, every fibre of you ,throws you around the ring, pummels you on the ropes,batters the inside of your head with pneumatic drills,poisons you,puts you in a pot of boiling water then dunks you into an arctic lake and leaves you there.This it does in waves, all day all night ad infinitum.till eventually you are destroyed as a living thing and heads for the lungs to finish you off.Totally free,available in an intake of breath, a shake of the hands and all good hard surfaces.Swine Flu-it does what it says on the tin.


'If I had my time again' Part one of a new play ,probably in one part, by TFE.
Scene one a Doctors surgery.


DR: Hello TFE.

TFE:I'm dying ,give me some Tamiflu!

DR: Ah !Now, Tamiflu can make you feel a bit sick you know.

TFE:Swine Flu can make you feel more sick than sick can be and it can kill you.Give me some Tami!

DR: But you only have 'mild ' symptoms Mr TFE.

TFE: Fuck off!

DR: I don't like your tone ,Mr EEjit.

TFE: I don't like your face , Doctor. And how do you know my symptoms are mild, you only see me when I'm temporarily well-enough to drag my sorry arse all the way down to your surgery

DR: How do I know, Mr EEjit , how do I know? I'll tell you how I know,In case you hadn't noticed I am sitting at a rather large desk and I have a brass plaque on the wall outside with a long list of letters after my name.These things tell me your symptoms are mild and you do not need Tamiflu.

TFE: In case you hadn't noticed Doctor I am sitting with a rather large baseball bat in my holdall and I have a gang of mates sitting on the wall outside with a long list of convictions after their names.Give me the Tamiflu.

DR: How many would you like? Need any antbiotics ,you seem to have a rather nasty chest infection starting? How about a nebuliser to ease your breathing?

TFE: Thanks a million ,Doc.

DR: No problem TFE, anytime, cheery bye now !

15 comments:

Dominic Rivron said...

Get well soon!

Heather said...

At least you still have your sense of humour - I love the poem and the scene in the Drs.surgery. So sorry Mrs.Eejit has succumbed - have you been breathing in the same room as her? Do hope you will both soon be feeling much better. I think under the circumstances that you are entitled to a good old moan and that cosseting is called for on quite a large scale. Hope there is someone on hand or you will have to take it in turns.

the watercats said...

Fecking hell!.... and there's us being all maudling from self inflicted demon hangovers..... Sorry to hear about the swine flu thingy, hope you're starting to turn the corner on that one. Sending good wishes, bit of sunshine peeking through down here, will send it up to you, the sun always makes things better...

steven said...

i'll stop whinging about the weather here. buddy you're in up to your ears . . .well higher and lower actually . . . . hoover the meds back and get well soon! steven

The Weaver of Grass said...

I see the sense of humour has risen above the flu TFE - do get well soon. A friend sent me a joke this morning and I thought of you. It is a new slant on the three little pigs - big bad wolf says I'll huff etc...... first little pig says - clear off or I'll sneeze on you. Hope it makes you smile.

ArtSparker said...

I like the character development.

Okay, so you may already be taking aspirin - but I couldn't sleep recently when I was ill and a friend told me to take aspirin before retiring to help with sleep. Just a thought. The not sleeping is the worst.

Liz said...

Your humour will see you through this, TFE...that doc certainly needed arm twisting - why the heck was he such a meanie with the Tamiflu? Take it easy and look after yourself and the missus..- lots of rest and fluids. You will beat this and moan all you like, that's what blogs are for - the good times and the bad ...sending best vibes the castle way. : )

BarbaraS said...

Jaysus TFE, there'll be nothin' let of ye. Some good cheer from Kerry's wild shore's being sent your way!

SUSAN SONNEN said...

Love the mini-play, but am so sorry that you and your wife are so ill. Sending you wishes for speedy recoveries! :D

Jeanne Iris said...

Oh, TFE and Mrs. TFE, my positive thoughts are with you during this horrible ordeal. I am so impressed with and thankful for your creative vigor in your time of physical frailty. Indeed, you are an inspiration!

Feel better! xoxo (non-contagious signs of affection)

wv: fackses: "Just the fackses, please Doc...That's all I need."

The Lesser Weevil said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you and Mrs Eejit are still unwell. Please do try the Echinacea. People are dropping like flies around us and we remain uninfected. Having said that, I think my car's got swine flu. No, scrap that. It's just a swine vehicle.

PS: When you're writing the next scene of your play, you might wish to use the word verification for this comment: upecess!

Get well soon. Well, go on! DO IT!!

Poetikat said...

Well, if nothin' else, you'll have a million-seller play (at least fellow-sufferers will be a guaranteed audience...if they survive).
We're thinkin' of you over here, TFE and Missus Eejit.
Is the Tamiflu working, at least?
(We are avid users of hand cleansers everywhere we go. Carry it in my purse and have it out probably 10 times a day. Hoping to God it's enough.)

Take good care, you two.

Kat

Niamh B said...

This would be the perfect time to read "The Plague" - ok maybe not. Hope you recover very very soon
The word verification for this one is supyhenn - another good one for your next post perhaps...
All the best

John Hayes said...

Hang in there! Best to you both. If you need a baseball bat for your next Doctor's visit, I have one I no longer use.

Mad Aunt Bernard said...

Hello Feck!
Love the surgery scenario, it's wonderful what bad language and the odd weapon can do for a tricky situation. Best combobulations to you and Mrs Feck, and here's hoping the snibble eases off soon.
I thinks it's a horror, mind, that you have been breathing in the same house as your wife (as Heather says). You need to nip that in the bud...before Mrs Feck does...