Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Social Dis-ease.


The movers are the shakers
see them groove baby!
99 Becks and a bus ticket
We have a boardwalk, we can see the same stars!

But I still wish this was Brooklyn
or Santa Fé, Sacremento, una momento-
'Chateau Neuf du Pape Cristal, Garcon!
And make it snappy, like an allegorical sandwich !'

I wish this was what I had hoped it would be
you wouldn't have deserted me in
The Desert Inn
Lost Degas
Niet Nada
dim parkio
your stretch Limo
Nevada
would you?

Friday, August 19, 2011

Ah,isn't it GOOD to be ALIVE!


What I like best about blogging is there is no control. Like being on a train platform there is nothing to stop you pushing the vicar/parish priest/ pensioner/drunk in front of you under the wheels of the next high speed through train.

If I feel like saying Quantum physics in a pink blancmange I can just say it. Or at least write it and nobody can stop me but me. And I'm an idiot so I'm not likely to do that because idiots don't care about anything so long as they can shop for bovril and anchovies in their stripey pyjamas and fur lined parkas. Besides I'm in the other room and taking no notice of me at all.

On the other paw given such freedom to express myself isn't it a little bit disappointing that that is the best I can manage?

So basically I am a coward because I would never say what I would really like to say. And I think perhaps the world is a better place for that discretion. And we don't want to delay the trains too much now do we.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Fuck it. I think it's time to come back.

TFE rises Lazarus like from the piss stained armchair and rises up up up out of it on his strangely bony (for a fat bastard) knees and rises up up up above the house up up into the sky up up above the grey dreary rainstreaked streets and shits on them like a pigeon on laxatives.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Friday, April 29, 2011

GOODLY NEWS

NanU has taken up the gauntlet to keep the spirit of the poetry bussers alive. Get over to her blog, give her support and help choose a new name so that we can keep being forced into writing a poem every week!We need to be pushed!And it's great fun. So come on join in! Over HERE

Gwanyagudthings!
Kosmo.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

TFE is dead.


NO flowers no cards no tears.
Hello my name is Saran (aka Kosmo Vinyl) brother of TFE. It is with sadness my duty to report that TFE is no more.Though not actually dead in the real world sense, he is in the blog sense no more, a dead parrot, virtual brown bread, jossed it, defunct, redundant,shot off his perch.

If you try to fly there is always someone to shoot you down, stick your neck above the barricade and someone will squeeze it. It's amazing it didn't happen sooner. It is beautiful that it didn't happen sooner. You can be a nobody all your life and through the power of the written word reach out and touch people and be touched in return.

TFE was able to fight when he was young, but he could not fly. Now he can fly he is unable to fight. It's the drunk and the lampost in his previous post brought to life.

The weekly task of The Poetry Bus produced some amazing work, so much so that a magazine was born from it. That magazine, born of the blogs, lives and breathes to this day with the promise of PB2. There would be no Poetry Bus Magazine without TFE, but equally there would be no PB2 or 3 or 4 or 5 without each and every person who took the time to get aboard and fuel the catalyst of creation.I hope some of you will wish the magazine well and follow it's progress HERE

He would love it , I'm sure, if the weekly task could continue under a different guise, a different name. And a big posthumous thank you, from him, to all that drove the bus through thick and thin.

Best wishes to all,
Kosmo.





Tuesday, April 26, 2011

THe Poetry Bus poem type thing


Shadows will cross your path, dead people rise up or lay down to haunt you, but it's the only way ahead, no turning back, never look back except in anger.

Tis a catharsis a symbiosis, a process by which..., a coping method, a linear procedure, a putting of one letter in front of another like feet of a thousand miles. Why, because they (b)are there and the only other alternative is not to, and that seems the greater of two evils and somewhat negative.

So to accentuate the positive while still (or through) emitting/ expunging/ processing the negative in a written detox seems like a reasonable thing to do in the face of everything we are faced with in our daily lives which like the courses of true love, never run smooth. In this life you will only regret the things you never did, unless you supported Liverpool Football Club or murdered all your family.

What I am trying to say is that this may not be a good poem but it might possibly be better than no poem , for the writer if not the reader!

Nothing exceeds like excess and Nanu was in search of too much, I hope she found it in spades in all your poems

Today I have mainly been drinking Obst- Schnaps and lager and am on the ledge /knife edge of relaxation and vomit. Such a thin line between too much and way too much and this ironically when your judgementy/perception of excess is at it's least accurate.

It's so strange. When you're sober you'd be at your best able but least likely to climb a lampost, and when you're drunk you are conversely at your least able but most likely to climb it. Life can be a sardonic bastard.

Also, and,if ,or but, the thing is, when things are really desperately bad you are paralysed in the moment and can't /won't/ wouldn't/ couldn't write at all. It is later when you are (almost) safely ashore that you can dare to go back. You need a little sunshine to cast a shadow.

The Easter song.

We had it all we wanted for nothing
We wanted more

And how will I cope how will I live
Among ghost estate life
Turf fires, embers now
Glowing in memory
Enough was enough
Never now
Too much is never…

Juke box bandits one-armed legless

Keys in the lock
A different lock every night
Oh,nameless as the stars above
Houses, houses ,houses
Up on the skyline we yearn to
Float flee fly free
Life once enjoyed,now endured

Thick through the thin years
And (pity me
Have mercy on me)
Money passes hands far
Quicker than the lives I broke
Goat rough hollow heart

The wren in the hand I held
The wren in the hand I crushed
Cowardice in telephone booth
every card held, poker faced
those thin lips I almost kissed
I wonder if that love is hate

too much is never enough


glass of red pint of blood
scar lit city
dirt beneath the nails
filthy lucre
skip filled, the in, the out
the richest corpse
the glory and the soul
worms turning
that forgave the plough
but who will live
to forgive
me

As rain’s river falls
In tumbling cats and dogs
I look for wounds to sink my hands
To kiss another cheek
From candlelit page
To moonlit street
My head bowed drunk
Over bare boards
Screaming hordes in my forgotten head
Forget-me-not
Lover, brother, sister, fool.
Hallelujah.









And all you need is intelligence a Swiss Army Knife and charm!!




Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Bus crash poetry from Nanook!


The latest Poetry Bus prompt is HERE! http://sciencegirltraveler.blogspot.com/2011/04/just-too-too-far-too-bussy.html
Many thanks To NanU for driving last week. This week she hands over the keys to her twin sister Nanook or more correctly ' Nanuq' who inspired by her sisters entrepreneurial skills invented a methane based self sufficient central heating system that syphons human gases from the air to burn as fuel.
People using this system had to maintain a strict diet of cabbage, bran, and baked beans to provide enough gas to fuel the system.The disadvantages of having to wear a clothes peg on your nose at all times and never having anyone visit were far out weighed by the financial benefits.Once installed there were no further bills and the sytem proved so popular that everyone for miles around had one fitted.

In short Nanuq ran out of customers and had to look for new territories. She decided on Hudson Bay In Quebec as it is so cold and heating would surely be needed. Again the system sold well, initially, but most customers lived in igloos and as their homes slowly melted they sought refund after refund as well as compensation from poor Nanuq till she was left penniless without even the means to get home. :(





(Above is a roofless 20 ft high 'Summergloo' being constructed from giant blocks of ice and snow on the frozen Tundra of South Wicklow last August.)


But Nanuq was a bright resourceful woman so she built herself an igloo and learned how to hunt and to survive and make new friends till she was very happy. Ever looking for new inventions she quickly realised that due to the sub zero temperatures foodstuffs seemed to last indefinitely without any sign of deteriorating. ( Here we see the dangers of living in this frozen wasteland, animals grow to vast sizes on a diet of human flesh and wheetos)


So coming full circle she developed a methane powered food cooling system that later was developed into the fridges we know and love today. She made a huge fortune but was so happy living among her new neighbours that she stayed where she was and built a giant igloo that is used as an ice hotel to this very day. And everyone lived happily ever after. Except for a few baby seals.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Mork calling Orson, NanU, NanU! Bus poetique!


EVEN AMIDST FIERCE FLAMES THE GOLDEN LOTUS CAN BE PLANTED.


Lovely scientist/inventor Nancy NanUhammertime, you can't touch this is drivelo le bus cette semaine und I have respondo with this quickler write off rapido fire respondo sansrewrito ou edit. Voila mon poemme et ici pour tout le monde et ses uncles de lire and rire , ou non as le case may be. Mais either which way, ici est mon attempt at le prompt.

Merci beaucoup ( indeedy muchlo muchio) and aussi que votre dieu/totem/facsimile/nothing de la poésiesoit may party avec vous pronto.Et in ,les words de la petite Oiseaux Edam Peeoff, 'No I regret nothing, except the things I regret. I have beaten Dylan Thomas's record and the curates egg.'



Poetry is.

Is poetry.

A confusion a contemplation a question an explanation

A profusion of colour a cloudburst of double rainbows

A jet of light a volcano of thought

Bidding bridling boastful bashful brilliant

In yellows and greens and blues all hues

Read and dead and crimson leaking

Seeking sapping tapping unwrapping

Mental mettle a singing kettle

A dream of joy that never fades

Never goes to grey

Never too high a price to pay though

every shade of black burgeoning and malign

But kept in line by the buzz the adrenalin rush the heartfelt crush

Of the crazy days of summer yellow iris sunshine

Bright white light headed

The ending of the days dreaded

The ejaculation of joy

The pleasure in the pain

Resistence futile

Fuse lit missile

The insistence constant nagging

C’mon c’mon c’mon yawill ya willya will

Dragging beguiling invigorating liberating

The urge to write write write write write!



Can flowers scream?



(Lotus= Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious.)

But wait on the bus,don't get some sleep, no need to wait, your ship can come in.




Wednesday, April 13, 2011

THE ALL NEW NANU BUS!


Hello world. This week the bus heads to France which is near Europe to the home of NanU.
Her task is to be found HERE

Nanu is a multi millionaire who made her fortune from her numerous patented inventions including the reversible fleece jacket, the reversible car and the reversible decision, the latter being very popular with referees and married couples.

There was the self-winding clock, the self-walking dog and the self-punching boxer-all very poular in their time.Self-punching boxing is set to make a comeback as an Olympic sport. It's long been thought that boxers, although in roughly the same weight groups, are rarely evenly and fairly matched. As self-punching boxers only ever fight themselves it is a perfectly fair fight.It's also environmentally sound as only one pair of gloves, one stool,one gumshield etc are needed.

Not such a great success was the solar powered solar system and the tiny individual helicopter that never really took off.A big success was her remote remote. You know how annoying it can be when you're lazing comfortably feet up on the sofa watching 'Hart to Hart' and you want to switch channels when the ads are on but the TV remote is out of reach on the armchair? Well with NanU's 'Remote TV remote' you could operate the remote with out having to go and get it.Brilliant. Her follow up for the 'Remote Tv remote' was the 'Remote, Remote Tv remote' which outsold all previous models.

Fed up of losing teaspoons NanU designed and produced the first invisible teaspoon that was impossible to lose as you could never find it.

She invented a new recipe for Carling Black label lager that actually tasted nice, not like horse widdle, but it didn't catch on with the asbestos palettes of the Carling clientelle.This despite the added bonus side effect of reducing the length of the Carling drinkers arms so that their knuckles didn't scrape the ground.

She also made a lot of money from second -hand and recycled holes of various sizes. Very popular were her very small holes that she got for free from sweet giants Rowntrees who have millions of holes from their polo range of mints. She has larger holes from roads under repair and a giant one, in fact the worlds biggest hole (after Slough)taken from the ozone layer.

But right now she has invented a briliant prompt for the Poetry Bus , so get ye gone to her blog, pronto!

Friday, April 8, 2011

THE BUG BUS POEM!


The angled Son of The Perpendicular.


I am a crooked line

and I’ve walked a crooked mile,

sang every crooked song,

wishing for sixpence-

though none the richer,

I was Home

with the Devil at the stile.


Kittens never cats, barrel bound

each hungry mouth,except

the one that caught the mouse,

I let it go, we all let everything go

from that crooked little house.


Spuds laughing on the plate,

sods of humid turf wasting sweet in the grate,

and the hurried lorries of change

like thunder of our fate

on the one way tarmac road,

Before Tony hung himself,

Before I was afraid,

Before the heavy rains,

Before the internal storms that rage

would always scream,

in forgiveness, and for mercy

in every crooked line.



IT'S THE LAST GASP BUG BUS!!!!!

Bug to the rescue!! This weeks poetry bus task right here http://danabugseyeview.blogspot.com/2011/04/look-out-poetry-bus-is-all-over-road.html

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Bus drivers required

Lots of dates available including RIGHT NOW like this very second, the engines running , passengers are looking for tickets but there's no driver. I'm the back up driver (I get everyones back up) but I'm calling in sick.

Any volunteers?

Monday, April 4, 2011

It's the wrong trousers!



The world has the wrong trousers on.And nothing fits my head either.All is akimbo.All is dark. Glimpses of light come and go like tube stations, but basically I'm in a black tunnel, travelling horizontally when I need to go vertically to the daylight.

I won't go on other than to warn you that the first poem is a dirge, but it is the only thing that fits exactly, so I have to wear it.

Tis Titus's bus drive and a fine one about animals but the only animal I could come up with was me. Apologos. I've added an old one at the end that fits the prompt a bit better, but comes from the same well. I only have one well, I'm beginning to think I only have one bucket too. Links to Titus below and to the side.


Parallel lines


Live within them
tumble without them
stumble the dire strait
The straightened narrow
Confined cornered
Bitched bollixed bewildered

Is it a pit or a pendulum
They’ve tied to nights
Sleepless arrow ?

Daybreak
Faces up like wallflowers
No sun no yard arm
sanity unrequited
Common cents
The finishing lines
These pistols of dawn
their rising panic of
another day
laid out before them
like a swaddled corpse

Waxy sweats break out
On the bus the train in the car
The shakes beaded beats like
Tiny hammers and coffin nails
Mirror after mirror
Day after day
Finite/infinite
Fleeting/eternal
Darkness, daylight
Incessant repetition
black dogs barking
And no going back
And no going forward
Grinding the gears, meshing the cogs,
of work, of death , of dreams.






Menagerie a tragedy.
(The auld triangle)


We hibernated most winter
but roared like snotty lions in the spring
We were howler monkeys, whooper swans,
cheeky meerkats always looking for a better view.
Our dads were grizzly bears
who never let the hare sit,
and when they were angry
the women showed their arses-
(only metaphorically, not like baboons)
especially the big ones who
were all cellulite and combustion.
We swarmed like rats in the summer
and swam like seals in the sea,
lounged like lizards on the canals grassy banks
and slept like lambs in our beds.
Mam and dad would fight like cat and dog
then make up like love birds, months later
we would be quiet as mice while the new one came along
When we could we ate like pigs and
as we grew we drank like fish,
Goldfish, that went round and round the pale
but still, like elephants, we couldn’t forget.

Friday, April 1, 2011

The Zoological Gardens Bus!


Forgive me folks for I have thinned. Tis six months since my last bath and 2 weeks since I went to the dentist and he attempted manslaughter. I need €450 worth of dental renovations to the East Wing, but I am an Eejit of little importance and no money, in fact quite a lot less than no money and some large wallety demands are foisted upon me and this is but another whimsy in the field of dreams. So the teeth hurt when I eat and I've been eating less, drinking (praise be to all that's holy), continues pain free and unabated.
And the dark that of late pervades both day and night lingers in the hollows and haunts the shadows still won't leave me be, but the human soul is a cork and it's hard drown it, it's natural inclination is to joy and a chink of light is all it needs to blossom But what's this got to do with the price of fish you ask/ Nothing says I Universe pass by, nothing to see here...BUT
there is something to see here http://titusthedog.blogspot.com/2011/03/tfes-poetry-bus-its-ark-this-week.html

Titus minimus Caninicus not only has a prompt but a plan? How can we resist?

Titus is from a long line of Eastend gangsters and biscuit manufacturers, her Uncle was Jack 'The Hat' McVities, who before he was plugged by the Krayzee twins Bonnie and Veggie in 'The Blind Bastard' pub, invented the Digestive biscuit and made a vast fortune.

He married the famous actress/politician/friend of the underworld, Barbara Windsor Castle, who not only was a champagne socialist of some renoun but also appeared in several 'Carry on' films including 'OOh er Matron' and 'Uncle Fred's giant marrow' starring alongside the irrascible Russian king of comedy Ivor Bigennd who changed his name to Skid James at stage school. His ingeneous catch phrase being'Mwahahahaha!'

Titus knew from an early age that she wanted to build on her uncles colourful past to become a poet and celebrity chef. Inspired by her cousin Jimmy 'Can I have some more please' Oliver , she enrolled in cookery school and graduated with flying colours and a lovely pair of vol au vents.
But cooking was not enough and having seen the hit American TV show 'Sarky and Crutch' starring Paul 'Man United 'Glaser and David R Soul, she decided the Police Force would only be a force to be reckoned with if she joined it, which she did, and crime in England ceased overnight!

Which was brilliant, but yet there was something missing, and the missing link was not Vinnie Jones, but POETRY and life's aching 'Je ne sais quois' And from that day to this Mighty Titus has devoted herself to the muse and Aldi's Thursday specials in equal measure.
And a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT regular bus passengo and all round nice human Kat Mortensen has moved her blog to http://poetikat-km.blogspot.com/
So please viit and re-connect with her.

But here's a questo...

Would an affair between a Budgie , a lion and a walrus, be a menagerie á trois?
Meanwhile why not undo your azip and go up to the azoo?


Monday, March 28, 2011

MUSE SWINGS THE BUS !!



My muse has swung into a deep black well. I can't do a feckin thing. I hope it fecks off this heavy dark cloud. They've changed my medication, could be the prob?.


Yesterday I got so old I felt like I could die...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

MUSE SWINGERS BUS



No, it's not what you think. Can you believe it's that time again already? Just as you've managed the last one there's a new one. But that's what keeps us goin!

ANd Here it is http://muse-swings.blogspot.com/2011/03/monday-poetry-bus-ride-is-on-muse.html

This week tiz the turn of Muse Swings who got her name from her days as top batter and pitcher for the 'Pennsylvania Fifty-sixer-and-a-nickel-poodle-pups' baseball team. She became famous for her mean throwing and batting action accompanied by improvisational stream of consciousness style poems used to intimidate and distract the oppostion.For those of you who don't understand Baseball, the rules are quite simple .


Play starts with a cat batter standing at home plate, holding a baby cat. The cat batter waits for the pitcher of beer and a plate, and attempts to hit the cat with a bat. The cat catcher catches the kittens that the batty batter does not hit—as a result of either electing not to swing or failing to connect—or being an animal lover.

At the beginning end of each half-ending inning, the nine hundred players on the fielding team arrange themselves in ballet positions around the field looking for mushrooms. One of them, the pitcher, stands on the shoulders of another.
The pitcher begins a pirhouette delivery with one foot on yer man's head, pushing off it to gain velocity when throwing a meat pie toward home plate, knife, and fork. Another player, the crapper, squats on the far side of home plate and does his business, facing the pitcher. The rest of the team watch TV, typically arranged as four hundred infielders—who set up along or within a few yards outside the nearest bar and picture imaginary zig-zag lines of transcendental meditation between first, second, and third base with their girlfriends —and yogic flying between the three hundred balletic outfielders.

In the standard arrangement, there is a policeman positioned several steps outside the bar as lookout to the left of first base, a second caveman to the right of second base eats a hot dog, a shortstop to the left of second vase of flowers wears a big hat and lifts in his baseball boots to make him look taller and a third milkman to the right of third base falls asleep. The basic outfield positions are right fielder,wrong fielder, and I told you so fielder.

A neutral umpire sets fire to himself up behind the crapper with some toilet roll...

A batter who hits the cat must then drop the cat and begin running home, at which point the player is referred to as a bastard for hitting the cat (or, until the play is over, a ****). A cat batterer-runner who reaches first base without being killed is said to be safe, but isn't really .

An anti cat batterer-runner may choose to remain at first base or attempt to destroy second base or even beyond with a pogo stick and a flame thrower.. A player who fails to reach base despite proper roadsigns has recorded a hit. A player who reaches first base safely on a hit is credited with a hit single, like Jedward.

If a player makes it to second base safely or hospital as a direct result of a hit, he gets a double brandy, third base, a triple. If the cat is hit in the air within four miles of the entire outfield (and outfield fence, if there is one), it is a home run the batter and any runners may 'free-base' ie may all freely circle the bases, each scoring a nun. This is the most desirable result for the cat batter, and the nun.

A player who reaches base due to a fielding mistake is not credited with a hit—instead he is shot twice in the legs with a pump action rifle.

Any runners already freebasing may attempt to talk to the man in the moon, or contact the ground, in fair territory, before or after the eagle has landed. A runner on first base must dress as a halloween pumpkin to advance if a cat lands in play. If a cat hit into play rolls over and dies before passing through the infield, it becomes glue and any runners must return to the planet they came from they when the world began.

If the cat is hit in the air and caught before it lands, the batter has to play three rounds of truth or dare and any runners on base may attempt to advance but only if they have legs.

Runners may also attempt to stick their fingers up the pitcher's nose while he is is in the process of delivering the cat to home plate—a successful effort is a 'green sticky'

A cat that is not hit into the field of play is called either a twit or a twat. A batter against whom three divorces are recorded strikes out. A batter who has four balls is awarded a base and a free advance to the clinic. (A batter may also freely advance to first base if any part of the batter's body or uniform is struck by lightning before the batter either swings a cat at it or it contacts the ground.) Crucial to determining balls and strikes is the umpire's jumper which is used to warm the strike zone, a conceptual area 3 miles above the atmosphere extending from the midpoint between the batter's shoulders and down to the hollow of the left knee.

I could go on all night, but in short...

someone throws a ball, someone else hits it with a stick and everybody goes home.


They've already got me, And I've said it before, but I'm saying it again: BEWARE OF THE FLOWERS BECAUSE I'M SURE THEY'RE GONNA GET YOU...YEAH!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Uiscebottlers Bus




THis weeks task was as follows

1. Go somewhere new.

2. Experience it.

3. Write about it.

If you like, you can write about an old memory that comes to mind while there (this often happens when somewhere new- if it doesn't, just write about the experience)

And you can link the experience and the memory if you're feeling adventurous.

The poem cannot be more than 40 lines long

The poem shouldn't rhyme. Aim for similar line length, giving a nice shape to the poem.

See full details and udder passenglos HERE

I've been nowhere globally but everywhere locally except the local Protestant Church. I was curious for a goo inside but never made it.



We haven’t a prayer.


I wanted to go to the ‘protestant’ church

And I wondered of the etymology of the word-

Highly uneducated brain being paradoxically,

my deepest sorrow and greatest gift-


I wondered if I wanted to make a ‘protest’

A plea for reformation

By entering where my mother and father joked, or believed,

They would be struck down.

But I didn’t go.


Instead I went to mass-

I feel I should confess that I still go to mass

(I fear it may be a crime)-

And we had a missionary priest

Asking us to open our hearts


And I was thinking that our poor Catholic hearts are broken

that it’s our eyes that we need to open.

He quoted Chekhov

(Well it makes a change from poor fuckin Paddy Kavanagh)

about Uncle Vanya and his dysfunctional family,

The ‘Cool factor’ of atheism, and the alienation of Catholicism.


And I’m praying to God this ordinary man of God would find a mirror

See the ultimate dysfunction of his global family

And thus an answer to his unrealized confusion.


And I told him this on the way out

in the few seconds that I had

For that is all we are afforded

And I felt good for 5 minutes,

Self-righteous and brave and smart,

then I just felt bad again

And all I wonder

As I’m not yet atheist

Is what else for now and at the hour of our death?




Amen.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Rattle me grottlers, TIZ Da BUZ!!


HERE

THis week it's the turn of Uiscebot or as he's listed in The Golden Pages 'The singing plumber'
There is much competition among all the trades in Dublin with the recession and all, but Uiscebot has cornered the market in a newly created niche , singing plumbing.

WEll versed in pop, rock and opera , Uiscebot can belt out the tunes of your choice while he plumbs the depths in your new bathroom suite .Bathroom tiles and floors provide excellent accoustics for his rousing renditions of 'Nessun Dorma' and 'Ave Maria'

For an extra €50 an hour Uiscebot will bring along his famous dancing Orangutan 'Charlie' who is a talented Sean nós (old style) dancer as well as being a dab hand with a monkey wrench. You have to keep an eye on Charlie though as he's obsessed with obsolete equipment, water levels and heat conservation, before you know it he'll be fiddling with your ballcock and lagging your cylinder.
And if there is an old boiler lying around he can't wait to get stuck in.

Uiscebot and Charlie are very conscientious, a lot of plumbers when they try to fix a blocked toilet are just going through the motions but not these two, they like to see a proper job done, even if it turns out to be real big sticky job, something they can get their teeth into. When other tradesmen are all at sixes and sevens, our heroes stick to number ones and twos

But the only blockage on the agenda this week is writers block and Uiscebot has just the cure, so get over to his blog and check out the inspiring challenge for this week's world famous Poetry Bus.
Go on ! Fuck off out of it now and get creating!

Ps I should also point out the little known fact that today ,between 2 and 3 in the afternoon, is the longest hour, being 60 minutes and one 'leap' second. This phenomenon occurs only once every 650 years and is all to do with the Earths orbit around the sun and the moon's gravitational pull. Due to a very large hotspot or 'solar flare' on the far side of the sun, the Earth thinks 'Feck that's a bit hot!' and deviates slightly off it's normal course creating an anomally in the time/space continuum.

This anomally must be corrected or the entire planet will be plunged into eternal darkness as we fall from our orbit around the sun. The moon is like a giant magnet and the earth a giant spoon and if we don't keep our course and speed constant then the centrifugal force keeping us on route will diminish and we will be playing pinball with the planets as we spin out of control.

The extra second makes the Earth think it's bit late on it's route and encourages it to speed up by ignoring the pain of the extra heat and sticking to it's normal course, but this only works for 650 years till the Earth thinks' feck this !' and deviates again.

650 years may seem a long time but relatively speaking in the ancient cosmos it's only a fraction of a second. So don't waste it,this leap second, take it as time to do something special with family or friends, after all we may not be here for the next one.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

For the day that's in it.


When I think of St Patrick's Day, I think of exile, I think of days away, I think of those gone before, I think of THE DUBLINERS!

I think this is my favourite quintessential Dubliner's song, pure Dublin irreverence and the Legendary Luke Kelly in his prime. I'm half bogger but I KNOW the tune!



My favourite song of exile


Monday, March 14, 2011

The Watercatbus DLTBGYD!




DON'T LET THE BASTARDS GRIND YOU DOWN!

I'm not giving up
though I'm never gonna win
maybe they've given me the best view
from the outside looking in

Yes, it's that whacky time of year again where the arts money is distributed by the local arse council. Last year I didn't get any for the soon to be LEGENDARY Poetry BUs Magazine.
Stupidly, perhaps even naively, I worried that maybe I hadn't done a great application, that I hadn't adequately conveyed the special brilliance of the magazine, that I hadn't spelled it out, that I perhaps mistakenly thought the brilliance of the mag shone through and spoke for itself, therefore I hardly needed to speak at all.

So this year I went to town,there would be no margin for error, this bus would be watertight, like a duck's arse. I gilded the perfect lilly, I dotted every i for idiot and crossed every T for Twat, I spent 18 hours in total on putting together a beguiling and cast iron case for funding, I included a copy of the first issue in all it's glory, I included artwork and projections and poems from issue two. I included a copy of Popshot magazine to shop how the mag could look if I got funding.
In short I presented the perfect application, I thought of everything, I thought of things I hadn't even thought of! I fashioned a beautifully impassioned argument for funding as eloquent and convincing as Martin Luther King's 'I have a dream' speech.With all due modesty it was perfect and irresistable.I had no doubts and no regrets.

Unfortunately I also had no funding either as my application was routinely rejected.

I have deleted/censored most of the rest of this post but If you had got to read it and enjoyed it even half as much as I enjoyed writing it, then you'd have LOVED it! Venting your spleen can be very therapeutic.
I know that there are people out there who believe the arts world and it's establishments are well meaning and fair and do their best in difficult times with limited funds. Igenuinely wish them luck in their belief.

I was bitterly disappointed but also see it as a silver lined cloud. To be blunt I needed their money but deep down I didn't want it. It may be a lucky escape, I'm not sure that I will apply for funding again,but I am honest enough to admit to being a well meaning but weak hypocrite. I really know I shouldn't apply again, and not just because of the fact that I would never get any. That isn't a good enough in the real sense of 'good'
The truth is I have always been on the outside looking in, usually critically, it has made me ( both good and bad) what I am.
The day that I am accepted is the day I lose everything. Fuck them.



And also talking to myself I would have to say to me, in order to get a bt of world perspective here, in my decadent luxury,that if , for argument's sake there is a God , TFE, which I believe you still believe there is, despite total disillusionment bordering on revulsion with your Catholic faith, what will you do when you die (if you die,- you may be the first being to live forever) and you are up there , wherever that may be, being 'judged' and' somebody', God for instance, he or she says to you,

" Well TFE, look at you there in March 2011, you look a little fed up, unhappy wth your life and the way things are going"

And you reply" Yes Boss, truly terrible, I didn't have the Porsche 911 I always I thought I'd have by the time I was 30, let alone 40! And also I didn't get funding for my lovely poetry magazine!"

And God says , somewhat ironically,
" My god! That's awful! Poor you! And did you know that at the very same time children were living in sewers in Brazil because they would be shot if they didn't, and that other children around the world were were dying by the minute of starvation, and that thousands of families and homes had just been wiped out in Japan?"

And the reality of my dichotomy is that I'm caught between the divil and the deep blue casket, that I'm a little bit of this, I'm a little bit of that, if I smoked I'd have a' crushed up Carrols packet in my hand' and that if I was MOR pretend mock rock megastar I'd contradict that' Hearts of fire' NEVER' turn cold'.
But mainly I'm just pissed. In every sense of the word.



Thursday, March 10, 2011

Feline Waterbus!




Yes it's that (random) feckin time of the week again! Spot on to the nano second!
For those busy beings and tjose who hate wading through pissed pretensious piffle the poetry Bus prompt is by The (World Famous) Watercats! HERE

THey think it's just beginning. It is now! I'm even writing Haihooey, I really must be fluthered.

Bonsai tree dead-leafed,
mescaline Muscadet muse,
must haves -the haves not.

Sorry,It just slipped out, ooo-er Matron. Lucky it was only a little one.

But now, come here to me, listen, do you hear that? It's the sound of magnificent,benificent bicycle wheels zinging down the tarmac at top speed, pell mell, harem scarem, flat out, baldy perished tyres and down-to-the-metal brake blocks, heading for brick wall, red and crumbling and warm and imminent and... Ten green bottles sitting on the brick wall like crickets, rasping for the sunshine, waiting for the impact, waiting for blood,waiting for the great leap forward..

We are never too late until it is too late, so, get off your bicycles, brush off your poetry boots and get kicking arse.

Quicker than you can say 'Quango' get out there and Tango, dance the light sabre fandango, fantastic, Plastic Bertrand? That'll do for me, 'Ca plein pour me another en watercat coleur' for the good times ,your head not yet upon the pillow, the wee small hours, the mind journeys without a single step a thousand times a thousand and more miles than lightyears the Buzz of light ears, and a bus will follow... follow, try to remember and if you do then follow me follow down to the hollow of your heart where it must all start, us rag and bone men and women with or without a ladder, let words be your steps from sadder, the moon light to guide us till a bus will lead the way, headlights like mighty luminous lemons squeezing through the night air, cutting the dark into two giant gin glasses, turbo tonic symphonies from our knees we rise and rise like steam from the heavy horses piss as the dawn breaks and... if...if..if.. the answer is 'I don't know' then the question must be 'Why?' But why is that? I don't know.

But I do know THe Watercats are from Obscurity in North West Texas ,US of A. They wanted to leave Obscurity behind and head for Glory in The Appalachian Mountains but turned left instead of right at the little town of Indecision Idaho and ended up at the foot of a mountain in Waterford Ire Land which is in the ancient county of Europshire.
The Watercats were still known by their original name of Pa Burke and The Middle Digits until they came up against The sheriff of Waterford ,Captain Louis Mac Blodstayne , who used to round up all the unlicensed kittens of the county and drown them in Lough Upyadortas.

The newly arrived animal loving band immediately set to work writing a protest song to inspire
and unite the good people of Waterford against the evil sheriff.The resulting song 'Drown another kitten and I'll twat you' proved to be so popular that as a charity single it raised enough money to buy a license for every cat in the land, not one single kitten was drowned and the band became known as 'The saviours of The Watercats' or The Watercats for short.

Now they want us to help them write another protest song. Don't say ' Me? 'How?' say miaow!
Don't say 'I couldn't' , say ' Of course' for we are off course, on the one road singing along, singing the poets song.
All together now, shooby-dooby-do-wah-wah-tercats!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

GOULDING'S GOURMET BUS!





And the inertia and the fog and the certainty of confusion
And the loss of control
And poppies grow do poppies still grow
And there was a gene there is a gene
Gene Pitney 24 hours without a drink
Would be a personal best
Georgie Best I spent a childhood in adoration
In the aim of the father and the son and the holy spirit
Uisce Beartha,

Would water by any other name taste as sweet
And I supported Northern Ireland
Because of him, a prize Plastic Paddy In Noddy Land
Red white and oh so blue,odd fish was I without blessed water
And I wore plastic football boots because of him
Bled because of him,
And I never saw him despite hundreds of miles travelled

I wished I was in Carrickfergus
I belonged,I should have been in Clonony
Where the castle looks out for me
I played hurling in the road
Before the big trucks came
Only for nights in Ballygrand
To Old Trafford and to Wembley
Always away was he

And then In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
He was there a lifetime too late in Manchester
Yards from me walking with Rodney Marsh
And I left the van and I ran
While horns blared I didn’t care
It was after the bomb
And I had lived
Still my ears rang racist taunts
And I ran like I had run from school to always just miss his soccer skills
And there he was in the flesh and I ran
And life unwound in every step
And reality tore my lungs and within ten feet I looked and saw and
Turned away
The world fell like scales and everything meant nothing.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
I lay on my back with the radio
Crickets sang
And the sun aglow
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Low lie the fields
Gone are our fields, my fields
Mushroom and thistle cow shite
House ,turf bog, memories in the dust.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
The enemy within
To you from failing hands we throw
He was my cousin my best friend
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We all die and this too shall pass
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
will always grow in Flanders fields.
















Wednesday, March 2, 2011

BUS BUSINESS


Okay, by now if you have followed my orders/ commands/ ordinances/diktats, you will be in current posession of a somewhat excellent 14 line poem.But now what to do with it?
Should you hang it on the washing line with an odd pair of socks and a lettuce leaf and call it art? Name it Michael and introduce it to your friends down at the pool hall? Should you get it tatood acxross your forehead for the world to see, one person at a time? Or should you stick it in drawer in the spare room never to be seen again except by small spiders and the burglar?

NO! None of these things,or at least you don't have to, for usually there is madness in my method but this time, dear friends, there was method in my madness. Now, if you feel like it, you can send your 14 line meisterwork to this magazine HERE The choice is yours, be brave!

Now for this weeks task self deprecating poetry genius Peter Goulding has lain before us a sumptuous smorgesbord, a veritable cornucopia of tempting prompty treats
HERE

Pete owns Irelands oldest inland lighthouse built in 1923 after Ireland suffered one of the wettest summers on record. People feared that by Christmas the whole island would flood and be only navigable by small boats and dolphins and that many national treasures might be bumped into and damaged just below the water. Pete's 30 ft lighthouse was built in seven hours at a cost of 36 shillings and stands beside the magnificent GPO (Generaly Pissed Office) on O'Connell street.A slight miscalculation in the plans rendered the lighthouse 150 ft shorter than the GPO, but luckily the dreaded floods never came.
Old fears die hard though and an unmanned lighthouse called 'The Spike'was unveiled on O'Connell street at the turn of the millenium and towers over the GPO and the whole of Dublin, ready and waiting for wettest of wet times.
Pete lives happily in the old lighthouse with his 3 wives and 23 children

Oh, and dont forget Monday is Oven Monday, so be sure and get your oven blessed.Traditionally the oldest female member of the family carries the range or oven to the local parish priest where she cooks for him and all his family and friends a magnificent meal and in return he blesses the oven with left over sunflower oil, before the woman, usually tiny and in her late seventies,heaves up the iron aga onto her aching back and carries it home again (being careful not to scratch Fr's brand new 4x4!) her wizzened little old face beeming with varicose veins and gratitude. And even if she dies on the return trip, as they often do, at least the lovely priest has been fedand she can die happy in the knowledge she has earned a plenary indulgence of 10 mins off eternity.
But if she dies on the way to the priest, well that is a mortal sin and she will go straight to hell wearing brillo pad knickers and a hairy shirt There she will spend eternity scrubbing a never depleting mountain of cookers with her arse while listening to 'All you need's a glove' by Those loveable loonypool mop tops The Brutles.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

THE POETRY BUS LIVES!


See post below for details then get aboard, you are ALL welcome!

First aboard is Smoky reminiscences from Karen
HERE

Next up Spenserian sonnetification from Jeanne
HERE

Padhraig Nolan weaves a fleece of his own
HERE

No shelter from the storm by Annell
HERE

I used to be a loony but now I'm a Moony thanks to Bug
HERE

Waving or drowning? Kim says they are scared to even test the waters!
HERE

Darkness on the edge of town from Peter Goulding
HERE

Heady hedonism in the ballrooms of romance when 119 socks just won't do
HERE

If the whale doth fail, have a rhyme of a time with Niamh
HERE

Memory lanes with THe Jinkster
HERE
And this one makes a pair
HERE

Passion play from Helen
HERE

Science Girl, Sunday Girl NanU
HERE

See if you Can you see what Dave sees in the seas?
HERE

Life's a breeze for Kate
HERE

Kat's multifaceted Fleece
HERE

Battle crying Titus will lead us to The Veedon Fleece, it's for sale at Romford market!
HERE

Izzy has been busy, just peachy!
HERE



And here's mine.In response to the old photos.




It was the best of times.

It .Was. The . Best. Of .Times.

It was.The worst of times interwoven,

projected on a future screen.

It was the best, of times gone by.
The best of times long gone.

Echoes of shadows

Trapped between the light and the half light

A different world within this world

Though hard truth and reality

Were beyond me.

The future would catch us up

Grab us from the clouds

Rub faces in the dirt.

Dense dark is betrayal

All I have is all I had and

All I had was not allowed me.







Thursday, February 24, 2011

THE EMERGENCY BUS !





THe Poetry Bus has broken down somewhere on the lines of communication that criss-cross the blogosphere, but fear not stout-hearted travellers of the poetry universe, we have a spare bus in the haggard and it's raring to go.


Choose one of the four photos above and write as much as you can, then whittle it down into a FOURTEEN line poem

Or planB, Van Morrison has a song , 'You Don't Pull No Punches But You Don't Push The River' (below) in it he mentions 'The Veedon Fleece' I don't know what the feck that might be so write about whatever the Veedon Fleece may be to you and then whittle it down to FOURTEEN lines




PS. Goodly news! Horrible Header comes down tomorrow night after the polls close. (Socks got it, BTW) Hopefully a horrible header won't be required again too soon, but I can't promise, so gird up your loins blogpeoples!

PPS When I said 14 lines I wasn't meaning a sonnet ! Do one if you really want to though, it's your poem , not mine!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

You've GOT to ask yourself this.






And you've got to answer truthfully, only to yourself.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

120 Socks , rocks the BUs!!


Vespertine


To return to the
ageing skin

Feel summers waning amber, a

listless agonic warmth,

parchment dry, paper thin.


What is this thing inside a head

that says “write everything down” ?

We will all pass away,

chosen or not,

head up, or eyes downcast.

Become new-found objects,

as relics of a past.


26 letters cannot be changed

26 letters that neither delay,

nor deny, the tide.

Toll after tolls

Waiting to go, or stop.

There is nothing else.

My lost soul begs

to differ,

my lost self

looks for better.





Lots of different poems on the bus every week.Everybody and anybody can get on this bus and say what they like. How exciting is that? So many different minds and ideas, so many different lives all on the same bus. You never know who will sit next to you on a bus.

Have a look

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