Thursday, August 20, 2009


The counting ,as predicted, did go on into the wee small hours .Cook and Jimmy are absolutely exhausted.Mrs EEjit demanded a re-count not once but SEVEN times.I realise , with apologies, that most of you will have been up all night at the computer waiting for this result.Some of you have even taken the day off work in case you miss the breaking news.Well your long wait is over and I can announce the results.In total there were nine votes cast making a record turnout of 0.000000000000000000000000000000026 % of the electorate,amazing, thank you.And now the result, I Total FeckinEEjit returning officer for The People's Lost Republic of EEjit declare the result to be as follows; No beard(The no beard party) One vote. Yes beard (The people's republo of beardy party) Nine votes.I therefore hereby declare EEjit's beard the newly elected representative of the republoEEjit.The beard stays, the bic is banished to the bathroom cupboard, the shaving foam is left on the shelf, another five minutes will be had in bed every morning,warmer winters,supplementary auxillary nesting for blackbirds, save it for later food storage,multiple velcro attachment applications,upturn in the economy,nuclear disarmament , world peace and Tipp to beat Kilkenny in the all Ireland final with TFE replacing an injured Padraig Maher, scoring the winning point and outplaying Henry Shefflin so completely that the broken kilkenny king gives up hurling entirely for a life of crochet.


Poetikat said...

Speaking of crochet, you can interweave knitting yarn into the beard to a lovely effect AND the needles can stick in there at a jaunty angle (think Japanese hairstyle with chopsticks).
You still know how I feel. Sorry John.


Totalfeckineejit said...

That's a great idea ,kat,that could be most effective and there would be no limit to the length of the interwoven beard,I'm thinking scarf, cape , cloak , eiderdown, carpet.Are you calling me John? As in 'Ello John, got a new motor'? or do you mean beardy banjo man extraordinaire John Hayes?

steven said...

t.f.e. either you've got way less to lose than i do or there's something going on behind the scenes that the subjects of the kingdom are not privy to. (did i say privy?!) i won't be surprised if your beard gets hijacked somewhere off the coast of the republic and turns up somewhere closer to the scilly isles where it shall be venerated as the iconic last stand of the brave whisky sodden man (who really wanted nothing more than a decent frost free fridge) that once wore it. good luck lad!! steven

BT said...

Oh well, beard it is then. I can see the pros now, keeping warm, and especially more time in bed. That's a winner for me. £1000 for a house, silly man. That was the deposit, as you well know. I can't even remember how much the whole house was, not as much as we paid for this hovel in Clare, to be sure.