Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Word on the street of ill is X-Ray!

Through it all,not a single sneeze, n'er a snuffle ,not one runny-nosed tissue thrown down the back of the headboard. No but by crikey a virulent cough to beat the band.I coughed so much and so hard last night that they think I may have pnemonia or a collapsed lung -or both.Hence the x-ray.A vast epic cacophany of a cough, if it were music it would be wagner,mighty and intimidating, it comes in night long bouts that make you wonder if you have an ounce of air, or cough,or energy left in your pathetic little frame.The kind of cough that doubles-up your legs, smashes your ribs with hammers and threatens to break you in two,leaving you shipwrecked and broken on the distant shore of your bed,thrown there as flotsam by the mighty epic sea of the swine flu,and there you sweat barely daring,barely able ,to breathe for fear of the inevitability of the next violent wave.

I was thinking of stuff written on headstones and the only one I really don't like is the 'Only sleeping' one.Feckin hell.! Only sleeping? WTF is that all about.Every time I see that in a graveyard I quicken me pace and keep an eye out over me shoulder.What if the poor fucker wakes up!
Iwas thinking of something fairly conventional for my headstone and even maybe a little poetic so that people would be drawn into it ,and then, written in really small print so they have to lean right in squinting to read it
'You, yes, YOU! I'm keeping my eye on you!
That should put the wind up them!


Jeanne Iris said...


Why don't you have yourself made into a diamond? ; )

Feel better, TFEEEEE!!!!

wv: kvenorec: I know you feel like a kvenorec, but this too shall pass.

Poetikat said...

It's apt I should be reading this post about headstones today of all days as we have an appointment with the cemetarian in about 2 hours to select the headstone for my father's grave. So, we'll give the "only sleeping" a miss, then?

How about "Gone home?" That always makes me think I'm in a pet cemetary.

God you have had the rotten end of the stick haven't you (I know, I'm mixin' me metaphors). I'll see you over at the next post (literally - I'm not speaking metaphorically now).


John Hayes said...

Your headstone musings & your "Wagnerian" cough description show you still have your sense of humor, which is good. Wishing you all the best.

Heather said...

You poor man - no wonder you have felt so ill. I hope your doctor finds some treatment/medication to make you feel more comfortable PDQ. Coughing is such a waste of energy and leaves you so exhausted. I wish you a good night's sleep and hope Mrs.Eejit is fit enough to take care of you. If that's swine flu it doesn't sound milder than ordinary flu.

Sandra Leigh said...

You bring to mind my husband, who says "It's not the cough that carries you off - It's the coffin they carry you off in."

And I love your idea for an epitaph.

That said, it would be better for you and all your adoring fans if you were to just get better, now wouldn't it?

The Lesser Weevil said...

How lovely to hear from you again. You've had us all so worried! I don't know why this post didn't show up when I came a-stalking last night to see if there was any news.

On the point of Epitaphs; I loved Spike Milligan's - "I told you I was ill"!! Priceless!

But I think your "I'm watching you" is a cracker, though I'd lay odds on it that no vicar/priest will allow such banter in his churchyard.

Glad to hear you're a little better, keep your chin up and my love to Mrs Eejit, too.