Friday, August 21, 2009

A poem

Vespula vulgaris

The back door was open
it was one of the first days of Summer,
despite being one of the last,
so there was no way I was going to close it.
I didn’t lose the head,
I was reasonable,
I gave them fair warning.
They could come in,
that was entirely up to them,
but if they did come in -
I would have to kill them.
And in they came, one after the other,
brazen striped flying banditos.
Dopey, drunken, dangerous,
dressed up like Kilkenny cats
into this Tipperary hearted house.
And I battered them with oven glove,
stunned them and finished them,
all eight of them, spindly feet up
while the toast grew cold and hard.
My tired lungs grew sore, I admitted defeat
and closed the door.

16 comments:

BT said...

Are we talking waspage here? If so, I don't blame you one bit. I hate the damned things and there's been a bad outbreak this year. Whack them, zap them, rap them, smack their little stripy bodies and their evil stingy things.

John Hayes said...

Lots of wasp-battling going on today between you & Kat!

willow said...

I haven't been stung for years. Until this summer, when I was stung TWICE by the same damn wasp, who had crawled up my pants leg!

Jeanne Iris said...

I love it when poets write titles that I have to look up in Wikipedia. Ugh, wasps... Once there was a community of yellowjackets who homesteaded in a former bluebird's home on a tree right outside my front door....couldn't even walk outside without one of those ornery critters buzzing by.

As they proceeded to 'wrap' the birdhouse in their paper-ish spittle, the walls of the miniature house looked like they were in the midst of getting remodeled. When the exterminator arrived, he just stood there amazed. "I've never seen anything like it before," he marveled.

Yep, flying, stinging critters, another reason to love the dead of winter.

wv: sestsc: aw, just put an x after the e, and there ye go... so much easier to spell.

ArtSparker said...

A small battlefield, beautifully told epic.

English Rider said...

The Battle or the War? That is the question. It sounds bravely fought, without loss of honor. Notches carved on an oven glove.

Niamh B said...

They do follow each other's scent don't they? You cruel man

The Weaver of Grass said...

Did you have the marmalade jar open on the kitchen table by any chance? Wasps cannot resist marmalade!

Dave King said...

The human condition beautifully illustrated. Homeric, I would say!

the watercats said...

ahh, de whapsps!.. bless them and their little, bad attitudes. I sort of admire them though, their judgement of the world, sting first and feck them! Mind you, I've discovered, if you hold your hand up calmly and guide them out the door they're surprisingly easy going. Mind you, I wouldn't share a pint with one, or baby sit his kids or anything!.. nice poem! and.. YOU HAVE SUMMER!!?

Heather said...

If you put a little jam or marmalade into an empty jar and half fill it with water then leave it on the windowsill, they will drown happily and leave you in peace. You have my sympathy - I hate them too and can't understand what purpose they serve, and that goes for slugs and snails too. The poem is brilliant.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Waspage it is BT.Does that mean you don't like them?

Yes ,John.Can you believe Kat leapt from a car to escape!!? Must have nine lives.

OUCH!That's terrible, willow. I hope you killed him and killed him good, made him suffer a bit first.

do you love winter Jeanne? It terrifies me.saw a wasps nest once and it was hideously appealing.It is like paper isn't it?

Thanks ArtSparker, that's cool! :)


i fear it may be the war English Rider.If only I had my strength.But still 8 notches on d'ovenglove is no disgrace.

Is that what it is Mrs Niamh? And what do they wear? Chanel no 5? Yes, I am cruel and not a little heartless.Mwahahahahaha!

I have honey ,Weaver. Do they like honey too, or is that no good coz it's from their more poular rivals the bees?

High praise indeed!
Thanks, Dave, I love The Simpsons too!


Watercats are you wasp whisperers?
Glad you liked da pome.

A wasp killing machine? I like it heather.But as bad as wasps are SLUGS are enemy numero uno! Beer does them in, boy I begrudge giving it to them, they probably even die happy.

Pure fiction said...

I really like de pome - you're blogging at a prolific (terrific?) rate for someone who was at deaths' door not so long ago.
As for wasps, there's a nest in my vegetable garden. Last time I tried to weed it, one chased me all the way back into the house (with me screaming and flailing my arms around like a mad woman, of course) And it then stung me, twice.
No. Wasps.
They just aren't nice.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thanks PF, glad you like it.I is prolific coz I is confined to bed chair and desk.Wouldn't normally put half this stuff on de blog especially de pomes coz a lot o dem is not da best.But what have ye there to lose and might as well do as much as we can while we're here. Can still see death's door just around the corner, saw Dr today and thought I might head back to hospital, but thankfully no.I know you have fictional garden but is it your real one too?
Can't believe that feckin wasp actually followed you all the way into the house and then stung you TWICE! That's just plain NASTY.Did you squish him good? It's along while since I was stung but I remember the pain,intense, wouldn't like 2 at the same time. You Ok?
Ps Keep an oven glove with you at all times, it's the best wasp batterer on the planet!

Poetikat said...

My HERO!!!

Kat

Poetikat said...

Oh, and it's a brilliant poem by the way.

Kat (I read it aloud to Kev, who thought the same.)