And there are no horses! Shock Horror Probe and garibaldi biscuits.Come here to me, listen ,there is only uno dayo lefto of the world's first (another EEjit exclusive) bus driver election.The candidates are listed elsewhere on this blog but I can exclusively reveal that all round good egghead Albert Einstein is in pole (poll?) position with a massive 5 votes followed closely by Burger King (Elvis P) with 3 votes and in third place equal Homer Doh! (dough?) Simpson and Leonardo di Caprio's Moaning Lisa with juan votino each.(Ok, that makes four horses)
No other fucker has any votes at all!!! Not even the lovely Maggie(whip 'em ,shoot 'em ,hang 'em, flog 'em -the people and the council houses) Trasher.
Your poetry Bus needs you, be sure and vote.
Other news in The Peeps Republo D'EEjit is that I need to lose weight. I normally guage my fatness by the notches in my belt and the ability to still get into the car through the drivers door.I have run out of holes in me belt and a suit that (when I say 'a' suit I really mean 'the' suit as I have only ever owned one suit) I wore to a wedding last Oct and functioned without bursting even after a 5 course meal and some blood pressure inducing individualistic dancing, did barely fit onto me for a funeral today.So drastic action is required if the suit is to fit me in a few months should someone decide to get married or joss it.
The car entrance/exit method without getting wedged is a good guage of fatness but i felt I needed something a little more precise in it's measurement of weight loss.So I got a new fangled gadget called 'a scales.' The last time I stood on one of these was on my honeymoon in the hotel (it also had a fancy thing called 'a shower' for washing - incredible!) 14 years ago and I weighed 11.5 stone.There have been a few mince pies under the bridge since then and I was sure that I must be all of 12 stone by now.Imagine my surprise when the digital readout (posh eh?) recorded a whopping 14.7 stone. So I ate a bit less that day, didn't drink so much and walked a bit further and managed to weigh 14.9 stone by the end of the day.Clearly I have some kind of superhuman fat metabolism that fights back against any attempt to attack it.I should give myself over to medical research. I'm going to weigh myself now to see if today has brought any loss/gain.Back in a minute....................................
Lo and behold I am back to my original 14.7 stone, clearly the fat is at it's optimum weight and will vigorously defend any attack upon it.I will have to draw up a battle plan.
Meanwhile, people fought and died to get the vote, so don't waste yours! Vote now!