DFTP'S / Argent's Poetry Wedding Coach!

The Wedding Song


If you like Pina Colada
and getting caught in the rain,
if you're not into yoga,
if you piss in the drain,

if you wear ladies clothes at midnite,
or dress up in a cape,
then Dublin's the place your looking for,
go right there to escape.

I was hidin' in a lay-by
Iknow that sounds kind of weird,
but you'd do the just same
if your girlfriend grew a beard

Then I realised I was in denial
about my girfriends hairy face
it was the thing that I longed for
that I'd been a disgrace

I was using her wardrobe
but she never knew
all the things that I bought her
I was wearing them too

I wanted to tell her my secret
and not be ashamed
it was me that was wrong
not her beard should be blamed

But her feelings had been hurt now
and I'd left it too late
to tell her I loved her
and that I'd like us to mate

I'd have to find someone new
fall in love and be glad
that being a transvestite
wasn't really all that bad

So I wrote to the paper
took out a personal add
said that I was broken hearted
and feelin really sad

I said I loved drinking poteen
and bog snorkelling in June
I liked eating out at Supermacs
and popping my boils with a spoon


I'm a bit of a cross dresser
and now I like hairy women
that I'm into licking toadstools
and going late night nudey swimmin

I've got a massey Ferguson tractor
tied with twine and red tape
I'll meet you on the bog road
and we'll plan our escape.

I only got one letter
but she seemed really nice
said I'd meet her at the chinese
for wine chicken and rice

So I waited in my high heels
satin knickers trimmed with lace
and I couldnt believe it
when I saw the beard on her face

It was my old manly girlfriend
and she said 'Oh feck it's you'
then we cried for a moment
and she said I never knew

that you like being a woman
coz I like being a man
so why don't we get married
just as fast as we can

We could be in Dublin by midnite
and in the morning tie the knot
your the lady-man I'm looking for
and I think you're really hot

So we travelled by tractor
on that balmy starry night
with her full length beard
she was a lovely sight

That next bright summer's morning
the wedding was a hoot
I looked nice in her white dress
and she looked cool in my suit.

20 years have gone by now
and our love was not in vain
if we had our lives to live over
we'd do it all just the same

we've had our share of good memories
happy days and of tears
but Still we kiss and we cuddle
after all these long years


So if you like Pina Colada
and getting caught in the rain,
if you're not into yoga,
if you piss in the drain,

if you wear rubber gloves at midnite,
and like dressing up in a cape,
then follow our example,
plan your dreams and escape.