The Wedding Song
If you like Pina Colada
and getting caught in the rain,
if you're not into yoga,
if you piss in the drain,
if you wear ladies clothes at midnite,
or dress up in a cape,
then Dublin's the place your looking for,
go right there to escape.
I was hidin' in a lay-by
Iknow that sounds kind of weird,
but you'd do the just same
if your girlfriend grew a beard
Then I realised I was in denial
about my girfriends hairy face
it was the thing that I longed for
that I'd been a disgrace
I was using her wardrobe
but she never knew
all the things that I bought her
I was wearing them too
I wanted to tell her my secret
and not be ashamed
it was me that was wrong
not her beard should be blamed
But her feelings had been hurt now
and I'd left it too late
to tell her I loved her
and that I'd like us to mate
I'd have to find someone new
fall in love and be glad
that being a transvestite
wasn't really all that bad
So I wrote to the paper
took out a personal add
said that I was broken hearted
and feelin really sad
I said I loved drinking poteen
and bog snorkelling in June
I liked eating out at Supermacs
and popping my boils with a spoon
I'm a bit of a cross dresser
and now I like hairy women
that I'm into licking toadstools
and going late night nudey swimmin
I've got a massey Ferguson tractor
tied with twine and red tape
I'll meet you on the bog road
and we'll plan our escape.
I only got one letter
but she seemed really nice
said I'd meet her at the chinese
for wine chicken and rice
So I waited in my high heels
satin knickers trimmed with lace
and I couldnt believe it
when I saw the beard on her face
It was my old manly girlfriend
and she said 'Oh feck it's you'
then we cried for a moment
and she said I never knew
that you like being a woman
coz I like being a man
so why don't we get married
just as fast as we can
We could be in Dublin by midnite
and in the morning tie the knot
your the lady-man I'm looking for
and I think you're really hot
So we travelled by tractor
on that balmy starry night
with her full length beard
she was a lovely sight
That next bright summer's morning
the wedding was a hoot
I looked nice in her white dress
and she looked cool in my suit.
20 years have gone by now
and our love was not in vain
if we had our lives to live over
we'd do it all just the same
we've had our share of good memories
happy days and of tears
but Still we kiss and we cuddle
after all these long years
So if you like Pina Colada
and getting caught in the rain,
if you're not into yoga,
if you piss in the drain,
if you wear rubber gloves at midnite,
and like dressing up in a cape,
then follow our example,
plan your dreams and escape.
43 comments:
...... you nailed it!
Absolutely top-notch bloody brilliant. What a touching ballad! Brought a tear to my eye.
I always liked that song (so cheesey it's great)! But I like the way you've changed it...especially the boils and the spoon!
x
Aaah! It had a happy ending too! I love it.
I laughed my fat ass off! Brilliantly witty and fun, Eej!
deep man, really deep
Oh, I love the happy ending - we just don't get enough of them in this poetry world of desolate truth.
Magic, truly, throughout, and doesn't it just pull you along?
These two verses my mega-favourites:
I'm a bit of a cross dresser
and now I like hairy women
that I'm into licking toadstools
and going late night nudey swimmin
I've got a massey Ferguson tractor
tied with twine and red tape
I'll meet you on the bog road
and we'll plan our escape.
Oh my God!!! I love this so much! I'm singing through the whole thing. Heheheheh! You win!!!
Just loverly!
A match made in heaven!
a very touching love story within this one.
beautiful
Yeah I was singing this while I read it - I always loved that song. But then you mentioned Massey Ferguson & my heart just melted. Swoon!
OMG ROFL when do you cut the 45! This is brilliant :)
You'll always win me over with a reference to bog snorkelling.
great poem
much love
martine
ah gawd I can't get the bloody tune out of my ceann now!! I've been WOEFUL at blog-commenting as of late'twould be SO much better if there was a loud-speaker- microphone-application-button-thingamajig on here so as you could talk to everyone at the same time.. ...just been up to mey eyebrows.
Hope you're well
Rainey J
Oh, Great!
-- and oh...great, as in I was just heading to bed and do you think it will be possible to sleep with that song in my head?!
-- but it is Great!
With such magnificant boil popping lyrics who needs a spoon?
All fun, all the time! Definitely not your ordinary churchywedding.
You are evil. Can't get rid of this cheezy tune!
What an epic ode! lol :)
I'm a newly fledged fan. I waved myself in the air and felt cooler after reading your poem.
ok - can i just say three words?
Sheer bloody genius
This is how the original should have sounded!
Thanks Helen, I'm good with nails and hammers, it pens and keyboards I struggle with!
Thanks Pete, from you ,'The Maestro' that's cool!
Boils and spoons, Yeah!.Thanks Rachel!
I like happy endings too Heather!
Wondered what the big bang was Argent!
Tis deep Jessbury, thanklee!
Thanks Titus, Hip Hip for happy endings!
Keep singing Karen! I loves singing!
Thankerly English Rider!
Heavenly, Jeanne, just , heavenly!
Every cloud Nib.
Hey bug, MASSEY FERGUSON!!!
Christmas No1 coming soon, Gwei Mui!
BOG SNORKELLING! Martine!
I know Josie, would be greatr just to megaphone and not have to batter the keys with sore fingers.Not enough time in the days!
Hope you got some sleep Lydia and didn't dream of beards and Pina Colada!
Boil popping lyrics!! I likes that NiamhBoyce!
Sorry NanU, it goes away eventually.Bit like the boils.
Thanksy Jinksy!
I likes the cut of yer gib, Debrina! Welcome!
DFTP.Youre still alive! Great prompt, and thanks.Hope all is well.
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