Tuesday, May 26, 2009

VOTE NO 1 VOTE EEJIT


Remember a vote for EEjit is a vote wasted. Don't forget to waste your vote on June 5th. 'But why this particular EEjit ' I hear you ask 'Why is this EEjit any different from all the other EEjits up for election?' The answers, like myself, are simple my friends , apart from the obvious fact that I am easier on the eye than the other candidates,there are 10 major,fundamental ,vital ,logical ,political reasons why you should vote EEjit

1) My posters are clearly higher up the lamposts than any other candidate

2) I have by far the most posters

3) My posters are larger than the other posters

4) My posters have an airbrushed professional quality appearance

5) My posters have a lovely white edge all the way around

6) My posters are made of highly durable weather and re-cycle proof highly flammable unbiodegradable potentially toxic indestructable mutant ninja plastic

7) Win lose or draw ,without fear or favour I solemnly vow to leave my posters up for ,at the very least , six months after the election.

But don't be fooled into thinking this campaign is ALL about posters, no my friends, there's a little bit more to local politics than that!

8) I have bought lovely new tracksuits for myself and all the family of every GAA and Soccer cliub in the town and will wear them for all informal pictures

9) Perhaps the most important reason of all for voting for me is that my father ,his father and his fathers father and my first cousin were all previously elected so I must be a great man altogether.

10) If I meet any of you , my electorate, in any bar across town and you give me a bit of a digout, even as little as €100 (cash only now mind ) I will buy that man woman or child a pint.

16 comments:

Jeanne Iris said...

I've placed my absentee vote...but where, I cannot remember. It's here somewhere...hmmm....maybe under that chair. No...maybe in that pile over there...or perhaps, the garden. Anyway....it's in! ;-)

Pure fiction said...

Damn - why do I have to be living in a place that's so short of top quality candidates like yourself. (I'd give my eye teeth for one of those tracksuits.)

Poetikat said...

Please send me a soccer jersey (or the entire kit) with your Eejit logo and visage on it. E-mail me at poetikat@myway.com and I'll give you my proper address. I hope it's green. Do you have any baseball caps or Eejit scarves?
I will be the envy of all I see (all 2 of them). I may even get a vanity plate for the mini with "Vote4Eejit" on it! Not a soul in Ontario would think of that. (subject to Kev's approval of course).

You're NO. 1!!!!

Kat

Mad Aunt Bernard said...

Mines a Guinness. Heaped, naturally.
If you pop over to mine, you can also pick up your blog award - I had to make it as none of the others were quite right.
Then you can put it on your election posters.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Don't worry Jeanne, I've a rake of spare counterfeit voting dockets here and hundreds of false ID's.How many ya need?

PF, yes the country needs much more me.Keep your teeth (but thanks for the offer) as you can see from my photo I need more teeth like i need another hole in me arse.I'll send ye down a couple of tracksuits after the election as I'll never wear them again after polling day.

Poetikat,great idea.I've been toying with the idea of DAEEjit merchandising brand for a while now. I'll be starting with exclusive high price poor quality recycled Taiwanese T-shirts and monogrammed denture mugs complete with handy Steradent and wire brush attachment. They will sell like cakes that are hot.

Hey thanks, MAB, an award ? Pour Moi? Merci bucket, does it come with prize money?

Heather said...

I'm ready to waste my vote - who could resist that winning smile! I don't want a tracksuit as I'm far too old and lumpy, and I don't play football so won't need a jersey but I would like a postal voting form please.

Totalfeckineejit said...

you are neither old nor lumpy but thanks Heather, I have had many compliments on my gleaming teeth.They are probably my best feature ,along with my eyes(especially the green one) and my remarkably hirsute feet.I'll put you down for 50 postal votes

Poetikat said...

TFE - Come on over for yet another award. I just stole this one and made it an award, cuz I like sheep.

Kat

neetzy said...

I'm easy. You buy me a pint and I'll give you your vote! That is the only honest way to run an election nowadays. (I'll take a soccer jersey and give you my hubby's vote as well).

Dominic Rivron said...

Amazing mask. II hate to say it, but in it you bear an unnerving resemblence to the Queen (of England), as drawn by Steve Bell* if you don't mind me saying so. The royal wave with the right hand helps. :)

If The People's Lost Republic produces its own currency, you could certainly use this picture on the back.

*See
http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/steve_bell/2002/11/14/1114bell.jpg

Totalfeckineejit said...

Tanx Kat,mmm more awards, I could get used to this, will pop over.

Fair play Neetz though honesty and elections really shouldn't be mentioned in the same breath.Pints and footy shirts on their way!


Hey Dominic , mask! What mask?

Actually now you mention it, yes, you're right, I'm a dead ringer for Betty! Think of all the work I could get as a looky-likey.I was aiming for a more statesman like portrait, unfortunately it came out more residential(like the resident of a home for the bewilldered)than Presidential.Ah, well!
One is off to one's throne now,where one will do, a number two.

neetzy said...

My husband bought a Connaught football shirt while we in Galway in 2006. I thought Irish football was like our soccer and then I watched it in a pub in Kilkenny. I wish I could go to a game with someone who could explain it to me. I find Irish football fascinating.

The Lesser Weevil said...

Well, me dear - you've got my vote. A: At least you admit to talking bollocks, and
B: You're MUCH better looking than the other candidates, and
C: You don't look as EXPENSIVE!!

VOTE FOR EEJIT - At least you'll KNOW what you're getting!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hello Neetzy, yeh Connaught is grand, football is okay but the only true kings are the Kings of Munster, the capital of which(and the world) is N/W Tipp and the small ball(Hurling) is the true sport of Kings- any feckineejit can kick a ball but only Gods can hurl!

Weevil(lesser)thanks for your vote(of confidence) here's my campaign rallying call.
Give me Bung---- Bung!
Give me a digout---- Digout!
Give me a brown envelope---Brown envelope!
What have you got?----A load of money!!!!!

Jules said...

I will vote for you! And send a manilla envelope stuffed with £50 notes to spend on beer, hula hoops and other necessary political things. I like :-)

Totalfeckineejit said...

Yee-Haw! Thanks Jules, much obliged pardner and welcome to my rootin tootin humble ablog,this cyber town is big enuff fer all of us. And thanks for the money and the holy hoops, luffly.