Thursday, May 14, 2009

I'm too sexy.



I've been awarded this title by my good blogpal poetikat http://www.hyggedigter.blogspot.com/
I know that she gave me this award with tongue firmly in cheek , due to the nature of my previous profile picture as a somewhat monstrous creature, but in fact this award could not be more richly deserved as I am indeed a babe magnet of the highest order.All my life I have been beating adoring women off with a stick, mrs Beautiful EEjit was indeed a lucky woman to have captured me and my castle and two hundred acres of land- and a sweet- if high mileage, Honda 50 to boot. Amongst my most sexy/alluring attributes according to third parties are:
1) The way I belch in a complimentary fashion after a meal.
2)The pheremone infused odour of my socks after a week of mucking out the Haggi.
3) The sophisticated way I attend to my profligate eyebrows with the aid of a Black and Decker hedgetrimmer.
4) The amusing ,nay, endearing manner in which i fall over, or fall asleep , at vital moments during every family get-together.
5) The fastidiousness with which I attend to the in-growing toenails, verucas and warts on my feet .
6) The poetic beauty of my insomnia anmd it's mirthful consequences of keeping everybody else in the castle awake all night.
and finally,
7) The thoughtful way in which I carry my own dishes all the way to he sink so that Cook can wash them, dry them and stack them away ready for the breakfast.

17 comments:

Poetikat said...

I'm laughing so hard, TFE --I may NEVER recover!!!
That image with they y-fronts will be with me for a very long time.

Pray tell --what's a veruca (sounds like a spanish cruise-ship entertainer (drag, of course)).

Kat

Poetikat said...

P.S. That song is far too under-rated. I'm now dancing around my kitchen. Woo hoo!

Kat

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thank you for my award, Kat. A veruca, or 'Verruca', as it apparently is correctly spelled is a (potentially) highly contagious wart of (usually) the foot and also the hand-forged parental excuse I gave every week for years to avoid swimming classes and go and have a crafty smoke behind the science block with 'Redser Ryan' and 'The Napper O'Sullivan'

Ah, unhappy daze!

Heather said...

Not a pretty sight! I keep thinking of comments but am not brave enough to post them!!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Ah, heather, don't hold back ye are among friends-go for it-better out than in as 'The Bull'Clancy used say after breaking wind in a violent fashion.

Poetikat said...

We call those "Plantar's" warts over here. I had one in grade school - and YES it was because of swimming lessons - blasted, blasted swimming lessons. I feel a post, or a poem coming on.
I had mine CUT out - no, no laser surgery for moi...we had to hack at the ball of my foot with a scalpel. Yes, we did! Oh, the pain! It's all coming back now.

Kat

Totalfeckineejit said...

That sounds like agony Kat, never got a verruca,though I did once get a wart on the knuckle of my hand and whittled it away with a penknife.Swimming lessons were the bane of my life, I still can't swim to this day!

Uiscebot said...

man every man knows how to handle his goddamn ingrown toenail right? Sure a man aint a man without one. Fo sho.

BarbaraS said...

Oh you so deserve this award, TFE - you're just the best ;)

Dominic Rivron said...

Warts, verucas, etc? That's nothing! You should try the fungal toenail infection. Positively alluring.

Liz said...

TFE, just sneaking in for a quick go on the library computer as my broadband provider of 8 years has snipped my connection without as much as a by-your-leave....am internetless and in the doldrums but had to congrat. you on the award...and the verucca mention - was the cause of me too skiving off the swimming pool and in fact instigated me being a non-swimmer or at best a drag-my-foot on-the-pool-floor swimmer...hoping to catch up with your other posts soon...am missing blogland ; )

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hey Uiscebot,you is right as always, hell, a man don add up to a hill o beans if he aint had an ingrown toenail or a bad case of 'the farmer giles'

Totalfeckineejit said...

Barbara, you may be a great poet, a fine mind, a supermum and domestic Goddess, in short a whirlwind of feminine achievement, but your greatest asset is your judgement of character- you are right,I do so deserve this award and I am indeed 'the best' Thank you for noticing.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hi Dominic, I've never had the pleasure of a fungal toenail infection. it does sound like a superior beast altogether.Are mushrooms involved? Could this be a cottage industry? We've had truffles, caviar, even Coffee beans poo'd out by some critter, why not human toe'dstools in fancy restaurants ? Apparently niche markrting is the way to go in these(economicaly) challenging times.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Liz! You're still alive, thank God.Blogland has been missing you.Please tell me your cat is back.I do hope so.Hey, non swimmers of the world unite we have nothing to lose but our lives!Hope you get wired into the net again soon, thanks for dropping by ,it's good to hear from you.

Mad Aunt Bernard said...

Verrucas and warts? Horrid eyebrows? You sound absolutely gorgeous. Consider me a groupie and hessian-briefs throwing fan!

Totalfeckineejit said...

MAB, ok you win , for once I'm totally speechless.