Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Poteen is like sex

Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. Actually that's not true at all.Poteen is like a trip to the dentists, even when it's good, it's still pretty bad . Now I come from a long line of Hacklers and the potato punch has been furtively handed around to friends and neighbours or hidden in hedges in Lucozade bottles and holy water bottles by generations of EEjits. Now, there's only one definitive test for poteen , forget the silvery cigarette paper and lighter , the spoon and the spots, here's what you do.

At night drink a whole bottle of Poteen, do that funny little dance around the brush on the floor with all the family ,when the DT's kick in, go to bed.Then when you wake up in the morning ,you will probably be blind.If the blindness is temporary, then it's good Poteen.If however you are permanently blinded and all your teeth are on the pillow,that is bad poteen. Being dead in the morning is another sign for bad Poteen.So there you have it, a definitive test for Poteen* Enjoy!

*As will appear in the reprint of Guineys book of bollix, if it is ever reprinted, or even published in the first place.

16 comments:

Uiscebot said...

Another test - smash the poteen in a lucozade bottle over the a passing Garda's head. If the bottle smashes and the Garda doesn't arrest you, it's a dream. If the bottle doesn't smash, it's plastic.

Jeanne Iris said...

Poteen Poetics

As the moon shines high
in Spring's evening sky,
a little nip
of this sweet juice
is all it takes
to release poets
from their langour.

Heather said...

This might be a very useful piece of information so I will try to remember it. After all, when my birthday is St.Patrick's Day who knows - I might be given a bottle of poteen one of these years!

Totalfeckineejit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Totalfeckineejit said...

Ah Uiscebeathabot. i've too noticed that if ye smash botler o anyting o da guards head and he duzny arrest ye .it's only cos he fancies yer aulder sister, whom in my my case is 115-weirdo or wot?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Nice one Jeanne, the gargle certainly makes us garrulous.Your poem sure speaks of moonshine.shine on bros and sisters!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Heather, what a grand day to be born. i note from yer blog that you are a chocoholic and believe me this is the best holic to be.love your blog, must try to keep up with it.

Poetikat said...

Around here we buy our poteen at the LCBO (Liquor Control Board of Ontario). It comes in a lovely bottle and it's called, "Tullamore Dew".

Kat

susanmuses said...

I'm so confused. Which is why I love your blog...it is mind boggling! Why can't I be so funny? I started out writing this comment, "Yes. I awakened dead one morning three years ago. The doctor attributed it to bad poteet." It doesn't work. It's like an elephant wearing a tutu...wtf?

Oh, my gosh. I just typed 'wtf'. And I'm making no sense. Usually I understand me, but I really don't get what I'm trying to say this time.

I should go to bed.

Will you be my therapist?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hello Poetikat.Ah, Tullamore ,I lived there a while in a rented ghostly unheated Farmhouse,it was like a cross between Bates Motel and a transylvanian goat hut.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Susan, therapist me,? Mmm yes, Poacher turned Gamekeeper, Ilike the idea of that.And am glad you're confused, life is confusing and those who aren't confused by it are the problem.And who says youcan't be so funny? 'Woke up dead 3 years ago'? Now that's comedy! :)

Uiscebot said...

feckin - you always outdo my mad comments with an even madder one - I'll get you someday!

Drop over to my blog - I'd be interested in your comments on my Dogs poem (rhyming bits an all!)

Poetikat said...

Funny, Tullamore Dew is like a cross between Goat's pee and rubbing alcohol!

Hey, TFE - I invite you to read about my former dancing self (back in the 80s) in my current post on the Blasts From the Past blog.

Kat

Totalfeckineejit said...

Uiscebottler, youwin hands down, your madness is borne outs creative genius my madness is coz I IS mad and know no different/better.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hey Kat, Tullamore dew here is a kind of whiskey yoke however Goats Pee and rubbing alcohol sounds a most alluring brew.I once had 'Bud light' and rats wee, but that was poor cellar hygiene that resulted in swollen lips and a week off work.

Samual James said...

after tasting it i came know about its quality its had makes my day womderful