Thursday, April 9, 2009

He says, she says. Part 3.

She says: Does this make me look fat?

He (knowing hesitate and you are lost) says : No you look grand!

He thinks to himself : women are never fat , clothes just make them look that way.Repeat and learn, repeat and learn.

She says : Which looks better, the red dress or the black one?

He starts to sweat now, this is the 64,000 dollar question ,a question that the wisdom of Solomon could not safely answer. Caught between the pit and the pendulum he prevaricates knowing he is merely playing for time, his execution held in abeyance then somewhat feebly and to her mind predictably

He says : They're (gulp) both nice!
then laughs nervously.

She says: What are you laughing at?

He says : Oh nothing, you know me , I'm such an EEjit.

She purrs seductively , coyly, demurely : Go on , choose one , I don't mind.

Now he's an apeman thinking with his trousers and not his head and foolishly, giving his honest opinion

He says: I really like the red one!

The purring pussycat is now a hunting leopard.

She growls: Why? What's wrong with the black one?

Now confidence shrivelling like his manhood knowing the trap has been sprung again, and sweating like a monk at a lap dance

He says: Nothing, nothing at all.

She says rounding on him like a vexed wasp : Then why did you choose, the red one? Is it because the black one is too subtle? Do you want me to look like that tart of a barmaid in Dolan's, is that it? She had a red dress on last Friday and didn't you love it? I saw you looking at her, don't think I didn't notice.............

He says: But , but..

She says: Never mind but ,but, - I don't know why I ever married you!

10 comments:

Poetikat said...

Damned if you do...

Kat

Thanks for catching that blunder, by the way. Cheers!

Heather said...

She'll get over it - you couldn't win could you? Thanks for visiting my blog - the vessels are made from tissue paper bonded on to craft vilene which is quite stiff and firm, so they do stand on their own, though I might weight them with pebbles for extra stability.

Jeanne Iris said...

awww....there, there....

We really are from Venus, aren't we?

WOMEN RULE WRITER said...

The old red dress/black dress conundrum. We WANT to wear the red dress and make a statement, but we are more comfy in the black. We're not sure how we are feeling: red or black? And how are you to know what 'the feeling' is that particular time? We don't know ourselves...

Liz said...

Oh yes, you've got it to a T here TFE. There is nought as strange as woman-folk and their questions...and who ends up in the corner with egg yolk on face...never the woman and her dresses...as an elderly batchelor neighbour used to say 'life is indeed a bitch! ; )

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hey Kat, damned if you do, damned if you dont, damned if you dither, damned deliciously.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Do not worry Heather, tis all made up mischief, Mrs B.EEjit is a gem.Thanks for the info, your creativity is admirable,inspirational.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hey Jeanne ,I knew it was true but if menare from Mars what da Feck are we all dong on Earth?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hello WRW,yes and why should ye know or have to know and why do ye always have to look good when we (men) always look like a bag o shite?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hello Liz,tanx fer that I don't think life is a bitch at all I think it's a total Fughin Basatardo of the highest order with jingle bells on.Welcome home.