Friday, April 1, 2011

The Zoological Gardens Bus!

Forgive me folks for I have thinned. Tis six months since my last bath and 2 weeks since I went to the dentist and he attempted manslaughter. I need €450 worth of dental renovations to the East Wing, but I am an Eejit of little importance and no money, in fact quite a lot less than no money and some large wallety demands are foisted upon me and this is but another whimsy in the field of dreams. So the teeth hurt when I eat and I've been eating less, drinking (praise be to all that's holy), continues pain free and unabated.
And the dark that of late pervades both day and night lingers in the hollows and haunts the shadows still won't leave me be, but the human soul is a cork and it's hard drown it, it's natural inclination is to joy and a chink of light is all it needs to blossom But what's this got to do with the price of fish you ask/ Nothing says I Universe pass by, nothing to see here...BUT
there is something to see here

Titus minimus Caninicus not only has a prompt but a plan? How can we resist?

Titus is from a long line of Eastend gangsters and biscuit manufacturers, her Uncle was Jack 'The Hat' McVities, who before he was plugged by the Krayzee twins Bonnie and Veggie in 'The Blind Bastard' pub, invented the Digestive biscuit and made a vast fortune.

He married the famous actress/politician/friend of the underworld, Barbara Windsor Castle, who not only was a champagne socialist of some renoun but also appeared in several 'Carry on' films including 'OOh er Matron' and 'Uncle Fred's giant marrow' starring alongside the irrascible Russian king of comedy Ivor Bigennd who changed his name to Skid James at stage school. His ingeneous catch phrase being'Mwahahahaha!'

Titus knew from an early age that she wanted to build on her uncles colourful past to become a poet and celebrity chef. Inspired by her cousin Jimmy 'Can I have some more please' Oliver , she enrolled in cookery school and graduated with flying colours and a lovely pair of vol au vents.
But cooking was not enough and having seen the hit American TV show 'Sarky and Crutch' starring Paul 'Man United 'Glaser and David R Soul, she decided the Police Force would only be a force to be reckoned with if she joined it, which she did, and crime in England ceased overnight!

Which was brilliant, but yet there was something missing, and the missing link was not Vinnie Jones, but POETRY and life's aching 'Je ne sais quois' And from that day to this Mighty Titus has devoted herself to the muse and Aldi's Thursday specials in equal measure.
And a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT regular bus passengo and all round nice human Kat Mortensen has moved her blog to
So please viit and re-connect with her.

But here's a questo...

Would an affair between a Budgie , a lion and a walrus, be a menagerie á trois?
Meanwhile why not undo your azip and go up to the azoo?


Kat Mortensen said...

Crikey! I missed those two "Carry On" films. I'd love to see "Uncle Fred's Giant Marrow"!

Will be heading over to Titus's forthwith. Maybe this week I can actually pull my finger out!


Titus said...

I conclude you have a spy satellite and/or links with the CIA.

AquaMarina said...

sorry about your teeth tfe, I hope you find a way of getting your treatment......urghhh dentists........

Dave King said...

I have given myself over to total laughter. Doesn't happen often, so a big, big thank you.

Marion said...

LMAO! You are THE wittiest Irisman I know. I sincerely hope you get that dental problem taken care of. There's no worse pain, IMO. Sending you good vibes.

And thanks for the belly laugh this Saturday morning in the humid, skeeter-filled swamps of loverly Louisiana.