Tuesday, June 8, 2010

BOATLAGGED.


I'm back.In one piece, or several billion molecules and a beer belly.

I was away to see a sick relative and all went swimmingly. Apart from getting stocious drunk on das boat and getting, wandering, talking to myself lost, in a train station somewhere in the depths of deepest darkest Crewe or Chester or somewhere and missing /losing/ignoring/not recognising my connecting train to somewhere I should have been going, or something.

On the return trip I missed the boat entirely on Sunday and didn't find it till Monday.It was big and white and upon the sea apparently but it was extremely well hidden from the bar stool I was (almost) on.Ah, well.

Also.In one big railway station somewhere or other in Ingerland they had a lovely lady voice telling everyone to keep back from the edge as the next train approaching platform 6 was not stopping there.Then meself having stepped back, witnessed an almighty violent blur of noise and hurricane thundering through like the hounds of hell.
Great.Safety first. Very efficient, polite and daycent.

BUT then no mention at all was made of the next incoming thundering beast that nearly took the arse off me as I delved into my bag looking for some holy water! WTF? I'm sure yer wan up in the announcement box had a good laugh at the fat Irish bastard on Platform 6 as he spun like a battling top from pillar to post with his heart in his mouth and his sphincter under intolerable pressure.


Got to get crackling on the poteery Bus mag and looks also some at the poetree bus poems at Weavos and Bill.

Laters innit.

Ps Hope you all liked yer pressies.

16 comments:

Heather said...

Dear TFE, if only you could enjoy drinking tea you would find travelling so much less stressful! Glad you got there and back safely, and hope your relative is recovering.

aleph said...

I´m glad you´re back TFE & welcome your several billion (or maybe more) molecules, and your beer belly, too. thks also for such a prolix/prolific review of your journey, dizzy cheers!

Marion said...

Thanks for the laugh. And I'm glad you made it home all in one piece. Blessings!

Titus said...

You got the diamonds! Great to see you back!
Small padded envelope will do fine. Don't bother with registered mail, only attracts attention.

the watercats said...

I'm awaiting the vintage fender jaguar in turquoise that I just know you went and got me whilst in Inglan... I knew I could count on you to get it! :-D

Rachel Fox said...

Welcome back.
x

The Weaver of Grass said...

Hi eej - can you please put a link to Jeanne who is hosting the poetry bus next Monday please, as I am not sure who she is and I am dying to find out what next week's subject is.
Having read Aleph - please tell me you have not got a beer belly - I have you in my imaginations as reed slim, handsome, black bair, blue eyes, typical Irish - get the picture?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Heather I loves a cup of tea.........with a nip o whiskey in it.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thankly Aleph, you am the best!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thanks to you too Marion!

Totalfeckineejit said...

In the post Titus, watch the postman though, he can smell valuables.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Waterlykittens, I had just such an article for you but the cow sandwich on the boat sat on it.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thanks Foxly!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Your wish is my command fair Weaver. And yes I am indeed Reed like. Oliver Reed.

ArtSparker said...

A good horror anthology could be made of travel experiences, I believe. Machines too slow and too fast, on one one connection (NY subway) they kept repeating the recorded announcement "Trains delayed due to an earlier incident". That sounds weirdly British for the U.S., doesn't it?

Loved your comment about singing and oldness on watercats.

Dominic Rivron said...

"a lovely lady voice telling everyone to keep back from the edge as the next train approaching platform 6..."

What? You can actually tell what they're saying?

All I usually hear is

"warblarblarb ablorb 6 is ablabrarblaba blabalab..." etc.

Your post brought back happy memories of past crossings of the Irish sea. In fact I realise I've been to Ireland 3 ways - Holyhead, Stranraer and Ryan Air. I'll have to make it 4 and row next time!