Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Now I'm really getting worried


I think I'm losing the plot altogether. No drink taken , ok just a little whiskey , but not enough to explain why earlier today I bent down to stroke what I thought was the dog ,but turned out to be the vacuum cleaner.

Explanations, tips, advice, help line numbers on a postcard to:

Mr TFE
Castle for the Bewildered
Peoples Republic of EEjit.

42 comments:

jenmorrison said...

Dear Mr. TFE,

My explanation for behaviour of this kind is that I am a writer. Therefore I'm distracted, thinking of writerly stuff. Sometimes my thoughts are so deep I put the sugar bowl in the refrigerator.

That's my excuse and I stick with it. You can have it if you like.

Regards,
jm

ArtSparker said...

Inanimate objects do not have our best interests in mind. Perfidy!

I once carried a pair of scissors outside under the impression it was the key to my apartment building. Had to wait an hour and a half for someone to show up

willow said...

Maybe those glasses of yours are still stuck to the rubber mask?

Sandra Leigh said...

Was the vacuum cleaner perhaps barking - or whining - or trying to hump your leg? That would explain the confusion.

Wilder said...

Advice, don't mistake a dog for a vacuum cleaner. You'd probably stick its tail into a socket...

Do take the vacuum cleaner for walks.

Jeanne Iris said...

You've been blinded by fondants.

Niamh B said...

It's a very easy mistake to make. Dogs, like vacuum cleaners, will pick up random bits of food, also they sometimes will have loud breathing issues which will only heighten confusion, and if the breed of dog you happen to have has a tail that looks like an electrical lead, well, it's very understandable that you would mix them up.

Rachel Fox said...

Vacuum cleaners need love too.
x

Uiscebot said...

You don't own a dog.

Dominic Rivron said...

I suspect 99.9% of the time these things are a simple matter of stress and/or having a lot on one's mind.

There are rarer, more exotic explanations though - have you ever come across "The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat?" by Oliver Sacks?

NanU said...

My own vacuum cleaner is getting all excited here. It's thinking of the possibilities of coming out of the closet to play far more often than it does now, and even of - yes - Going Outside. Look what you have done! giving medium-sized appliances false hope! It's banging on the closet door. I fear it might trample the luggage.

Heather said...

It is so heartening to learn that all you younger people out there do daft things too!! Perhaps you just need to have your eyes tested TFE. I recently thought that my daughter's walking boots parked tidily in the corner of the kitchen, were the cat! Don't worry, it happens to us all.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Because they smell the same? (Ours does!)

Liz said...

Dear Sir,

The only explanation I can think of is that sometimes our outer dog tries to connect with our inner vacuum cleaner to let the recepient know that the surrounding area could do with a once over. It happened to myself, Dick and sweeping brush only last weekend.
Do not fret. Act normal, especially in front of the dog who may feel guilty about the connection.

Poet in Residence said...

Mr TFE,
No problem. All perfectly normal once you turn 60. Yes, 60's the benchmark.
Herr Freud
(Doc.)

Heather said...

'Should have gone to SpecSavers'!! If I'd been really smart I'd have sent that as my original comment.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thanks Jen, yes that sounds really impressive, I will borrow it.Tanxzs Ye!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Perfidious household appliances masquerading as scurvy mutinous dogs! I likes it Sparkey!

Totalfeckineejit said...

What's with all this mask businees ,Willow? I've told ye before there is no mask!

Totalfeckineejit said...

At last sound advice,thankxz ye Mr Wilder!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Sandra, I'm far gone, but I'm not THAT far gone! (Yet)

Totalfeckineejit said...

Ha , Jeanne,I fear you may be right!But what a way to go!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Niamh ,you are so astute.I am only worried now that i didn't make the mistake sooner and more often.

Totalfeckineejit said...

I think this may be the closest thing to the truth,Rachel. Fugh the trees , hug a fridge, today!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Worse than that, Uisce,I don't own a Vacuum cleaner either!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Yes Dominic! I think I've seen that man.I always presumed the wife to be drunk and he just carrying her home.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Let it out, NanU ! Release it back into the wild,imagine a whole colony of Hoovers charging like a herd of miniature majestic wildebeest around the local park.It would bing tears to the eye of even the most cynical of household appliance salesmen.

Totalfeckineejit said...

I think it may be my head that needs testing, Heather.

Totalfeckineejit said...

That could have been it ,Raph, but then I checked and the dog smelled of freshly squeezed orange juice and the vacuum cleaner of Chanel No 5. Then I realised it wasn't the dog or the vacum cleaner, I had been smelling freshly squeezed orange juice and a bottle of Chanel no 5.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Liz, do we really have an outer dog and an inner vacuumm cleaner, or do we in reality have an inner dog and an outside chance of making the last train to Clarkesville.Or..On the other paw, what if we have an outer bicycle and an inner tube?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thank you PIR (Herr Freud)but I don't think the dog (or the vacuum cleaner) will wait that long.

Totalfeckineejit said...

I looked for Specsavers, Heather, but I couldn't see it anywhere.

BarbaraS said...

Because they both suck things off the carpet, before you get a chance to lift them yourself, and they both snuffle around doorways in search of things to snaffle?

The Weaver of Grass said...

Have you been for an eye test lately I ask? Wondered where you had got to - thought you had either gone to earth or maybe fallen asleep on your header bench just as the tide was coming in.

Poetikat said...

I'm always setting my black purse by the backdoor and then forgetting it's there. Then I start calling it "Gilbert" and talking to it. I have yet to stroke it however.

Totalfeckineejit said...

If ther's any food on our carpets the race is between me (fatty) and the dog (hungry)the feckin Hoover doesn't get a look in.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Unbelievably, Weaver, the bench is still on the beach, but I am not on it. One of my eyes is a bit blurry but the other two are fine.

Totalfeckineejit said...

When the purse starts talking back is when you ought to worry ,Kat!

the watercats said...

actually, it's an easy mistake to make!.... plus.. hoover would be a great name for a dog!

Poetikat said...

We call our chipmunk "Hoover" as he just sucks up all the peanuts on the porch before the squirrels can get them.

Dave King said...

Easy peasy: you either have a dog that looks like a vacuum cleaner or a vacuum cleaner that looks like a dog.

KING OF THE CAMELS said...

I USED TO HOOVER USING MY DOG
but he exploded!