Thursday, November 26, 2009

All is revealed !


Especially on a Corfu beach.




The right answer as guessed by Weaver ,Beedlemama, argent and almost by Domestic Oubliette who changed her mind at the last minute, is No 10. My real age is NOT 48. All the rest are true.




1) TRUE...... I put a 4 inch scar on my left arm to be cool and impress Miss EEjit. I'm not and it didn't.It also gained me the unfortunate nickname of ' Action Man ' for a while as the boys toy had exactly the same scar. Doh!




2)TRUE..... Carling Black Label tastes like cat's wee.I tried it once (carling, not cats wee) and haven't been desperate enough in it's company to try it again. (Luckily there has always been harpic or domestos available.)




3) All TRUE but I hated Rugby, scared shitless of being tackled I scored a try every time I got the ball.



4) TRUE... Love is a temporary madness, you have to stretch it out.




5) TRUE.....But the beach was deserted except for Miss EEjit.Did enjoy it though.Highly recommended.




6) TRUE.. attacked by skinheads at least once, you don't always get time to quiz the assailant, sometimes (this time) you are sure( no 1 haircuts, ten hole cherry red Doc's beneath cut-off jeans, right wing tattooos, Ben Sherman button down shirts, red braces ,yellow National Front laces, limited but effective vocabulary, serious intent to do harm )

Was also attacked by two youths with a half brick to the head, amazingly it didn't even hurt which kind of disarmed them.
Mrs EEjit threw the ham at me (a great shot) and so that's how I know it was 3lbs, I'd bought it earlier in Tescos .Really took me by surprise, knocked me half off the stool I was on. We had it later for dinner, lovely! She also tried to brand me (at a later date) with an electric iron but I was saved by the cheapskate short length Morphy Richards flex.


7) TRUE.. my accent/voice is so awful I try not to speak at all, choosing instead to communicate by meaningful looks , body language, telepathy and hieroglyphics.


8) TRUE... I really wanted the gravedigger job and was really disappointed.


9) TRUE...Was thrown clear and the bike went across the road under an oncoming car.


10) FALSE I am not 48 years old

37 comments:

ArtSparker said...

[gnashes teeth]

Titus said...

Waah! I'm a sore loser.

I like the cut of Mrs Eejit's jib.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

Whoopee! What an eventful life TFE! (Though how do you know what cat's wee tastes like?)

Jeanne Iris said...

Oh darn! I should have guessed that! But I still think your accent is NOT awful, TFE.

Rachel Fox said...

So you were sporty spice! Excellent.
x

Liz said...

Trust it to be the simplest one of all that is not true ...and here was me/us (well, some of us ; )) going for the dramatic, unfathomable ones as not true...there is a philosophy in there somewhere, TFE...; ) Here's to more jam-packed adventures in lives then!

Issa's Untidy Hut said...

Beautiful, I made 10 guesses and my last one was the correct one! What are the odds?

I'm thinking I'm the perfect follower of TFJ!

Do you turn 48 today? 20 years from now?

Don @ Issa's Untidy Hut

beedlemama said...

Yay, this is so addictive. Loved the romance too - driving that amount of time for the temporary madness of love is just plain brilliant.

Heather said...

Does this mean you really are 108? If so, you could be my adoptive father!

the watercats said...

oh poo... I was sure that anyone who keeps the worlds greatest blog could not possibly be athletic... like the sound of missis eejit, throwing a ham is inspired!
Should have guessed the age thing, mind you, reckon it's only a lie by a couple of years either way :0)

Poetikat said...

So, how old are you then? (Just curious.)
What did you do to deserve the hamming?

Dominic Rivron said...

If you like the idea of being a gravedigger, there's nothing to stop you going freelance.

Stick a s small ad in the local Aldi and see what comes up. People could put their names down and pay in advance. You can do it for pets, too, as well as people.

Just don't forget your shovel, as the song goes.

:)

Totalfeckineejit said...

Yes Rachel, now I'm porky Spice!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Never mind her jib, Titus, you should see her jab! Marvelous Marvin Hagler woulda been proud!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Raph, A cat weed over my face while I slept(daytime) in a graveyard.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Jeanne, you is just a kind perso.Period.

Totalfeckineejit said...

YAABBaaDDAABBBAADDOOO, Liz!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Gnasher Sparkey!

Totalfeckineejit said...

More pathetic than athletic nowadays Uiscekateens.Mrs EEjit is all Ireland hamthrowing at a head champion.She does a mean Tea pot smashing too!

Totalfeckineejit said...

108 ,Kat. I deserved the ham throwing because I had the gaul to be alive and in the vicinity of Mrs PMT.

Domestic Oub said...

Blast it - so close... I just got too clever by far. Should have trusted my first instinct...gah.

Totalfeckineejit said...

You couldn't have done better Don@ Issa's untidy hut.Actualy you could, a whole lot better, but it would be rude to say sop! Yes I will be 48, one day, hopefully.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Heather! The daughter I never had!

Totalfeckineejit said...

this is fun, Beedler, and yes ya have to do crazy things when you are young and your legs are still working.

Totalfeckineejit said...

It's fatal to change your mind, D'Oub. Unless you're jumping off a cliff.

Totalfeckineejit said...

I've dug my own grave a few times ,Dominic.But I applied for the job back in the 80's.A six foot dig would be well beyond me now.Might manage a Gerbil though.A niche market, but still.....

The Weaver of Grass said...

Two questions:

1. Are you going to reveal your real age?
2. How do you know it tastes like cat wee if you have never tasted cat wee?

Answers on a postcard please! Methinks you are a bit of an enigma - is it intentional? Sorry, that makes three questions.

Argent said...

Aha! Knew it! Those pretty-boy looks gave ya away! Twas great craic tho'.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Yes,congratulations Argent, you got it right.And your prize is a free plane ticket to New York.But you have to pick it up from New York.

Totalfeckineejit said...

1)My real age is between 35 and 10.

2) A cat peed on my face as I slept in a graveyard (on a sunny day)

3) Enigma, me? Well.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Sorry that should be between 35 and 108, not 10. Doh!

Argent said...

Yay! I'm packing my suitcase right away! Good job da unicycle is a folding one.

Karen said...

Of course you got brained with a ham and nearly branded with an iron! But 48? You? No way!

davir said...

I was really glad to read these very very interesting things from you!

Heather said...

Daddy!!!

Caio Fernandes said...

ok . just because Susan Sanford ans Aleph like you and Susan even told me about you , i decided to come to check you out .

yes , they're right .

see you !!!

willow said...

Gosh, and I thought my psychic powers were on my side. 108?! Come on, how old are you really?

This was fun. I'm going to give it a whirl this week, too.