Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Totallydeservedthis

I am totally delighted and honoured to be the first recipient of this newly minted highly prestigious award.When you consider the amount of fuckin EEjits in the world it is no mean feat to be numero uno in the idiot stakes.That I was chosen as winner long before the year was out is further testimony to the class and calibre of my stupidity. I would also add that unlike much of the poetry world this award was judged by somebody who actually knew what they were talking about ,ie my favourite aunt, 'Mad Aunt Bernard' http://madauntbernard.blogspot.com/ totally madder than two boxes of frogs, she's wired to the moon, a complete Looper of the highest order , please check out her tortoise oriented lunacy.I'd like to take this opportunity to thank her for this precious accolade and to also remind her that I haven't yet received the 'I'm an EEjit who the feck are you?' Tee shirt or the €10,000 cash prize as clearly stated in the EEjit awards handbook.
The above picture of me was taken shortly after I tried drying my hair with an old mangle.Ever since this incident to save embarrassment my mother explained away the conical shape of my head as due to being a forceps baby.

17 comments:

John Hayes said...

Congrats! & you're right: Mad Aunt Bernard's blog is a riot-- & sometimes describes riots, too.

Dominic Rivron said...

Can't help wondering (having read MAB's post), did you make yourself a crumpet?

susanmuses said...

:D

Heather said...

I admire the humble way you have received this award TF - there are those who would see it as an insult. Don't hold out too much hope of ever getting the T-shirt or cash - I haven't had my knitted haddock yet (or was it a halibut?) and probably never will.

Mad Aunt Bernard said...

That's a good question, Dominic? Did you make yourself a crumpet, Feck? With marmite on? Or runny honey? Or butter?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thanks John,yes, I think MAB's theme tune may wel be 'I predict a riot' by the Kaiser Chiefs.

Hey Dom, all Benny Hill type jokes aside, I really do love a piece of crumpet. I had them buttered and with a cup of tea when I was in England but they can't be bought for love nor money here in Ireland.So if anyone wants to send me some.....or if anyone in Ireland knows where I can get a bit of crumpet (make your own jokes up) I also really fell in love with 'Real Ale' like Owd Roger,
Marston's pedigree and Old Peculiar, great in bottles but even better on draught. Can't get any of them here either!

Susan :)

Thanks Heather, humble is my middle name, I think that's what helps me be so totally great in every way.And how are we going to weedle our winnings out of the bearded one?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hey, MAB,it would have to be butter and that's a good idea to actually make them. Maybe I could get cook to look up the potion and roast some or boil them up or whatever black magic do be involved in their creation. How do they make all those little holes? It must take a month to produce one tasty crumpet.

Poetikat said...

Hey, I didn't know that Mabby was giving out cash prizes! That means I could be seeing something coming my way for the "Fabulous blog" award I received? (Knowing her, she'll probably send you 10,000 lbs of slug-slime or some such currency that can only be used in her foul neighbourhood. We should all convene in Trebollocks and give her a hiding with a ratty riding crop. That's what I said! (She'd enjoy it anyway, I'm thinking). I'd like to get my hands on Bench and give her a good shave.

Kat

Oh, and congrats on such a prestigious award, TFE. I love the cap. You can wear it to poetry readings and keep a pint in it.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Don't talk to me about slugs, they're after nibbling my begonias.
keeping a pint in the hat at poetry readings made me laugh -thanks Kat :)

Jeanne Iris said...

Sooooo funny! Congratulations, TFE! Those corner chairs always seemed a peaceful place, one where a person could really gather his/her thoughts, a time set aside to truly create....

milbjhy: the sound one's stomach makes right after eating a succulent steak, mashed potatoes with garlic and fresh peas.

Poetikat said...

What I really meant, was a SPARE pint!

Kat

Liz said...

Mad clapping from me, TFE. Crumpet always goes down a treat especially if Mr Kipling has anything to do with it.
Like the nose-in-the-corner shot, beats knees-on-sugar-chrystals any day : )
(Have a wild lot of catching up to do here...)

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thanks Prof J.I wonder if you faced into a wall and wrote and faced into a lovely view and wrote on the same subject, how would the writing compare? I'm glad the word vero wizzard didn't give you the sound my stomach makes after a meal like that!

Welcome back, Liz :) Only teachers ,or perhaps clergy, could be so inventively cruel as to think of bringing in a bag o sugar (such a nice sweet thing in tea and cakes and sweets and biscuits)to turn into an implement of torture. Weren't they wonderful?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hey Kat, thats even better,a pint and a spare one under the auld hat.Luvverly :)

Totalfeckineejit said...

Oh,and Liz,I'm goin mad fer a crumpet now after all the talk about them!

Jeanne Iris said...

Now that's a fascinating writing activity. For me, it would depend on the sounds and temperature of the environment while writing. That said, gazing at a lovely view would definitely be inspirational.

Here's a crumpet for ya! Catch!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thanks for the crumpet,Jeanne,it's in the toaster right now withthe butter waitin and a pot of tay brewin-luvverlee! And do you know I think I would prefer looking at the blank wall to write,get something from within in relation to nothing ?