It's no use denying it folks the dosh has departed, the filthy lucre gone looking for a new home, the cash has crashed, the spondulicks has skedaddled,the...Ahh fugh it yew get the picture.We spent most of yesterday gathering brass coins out of the sofa and drawers and various tins and pots and pans and shelves and bringing them to the coinstar in Tesco,harvesting a total of €14.40 which is barely enough to pay Jimmy the butler's wages for the next six months let alone Cook's wages and all the other sundry requirements of a 14 bedroomed medieval castle. The castle ramparts are in disarray to the point of collapse and the portcullis is broken almost beyond repair.It's not just the recession ,though that has hit us hard, but various lawsuits brought against us by the visiting public.unfortunately we had no public liability insurance to cover us against unforseen accidents .I mainly blame jimmy the Butler for he had previously been a lion tamer in a travelling circus and convinced us it would be a good idea to open the grounds to fee paying visitors as a safari park. We left the arrangements up to him and he secured the services of many retired exotic circus animals including elephants and lions.The elephants were no trouble at all but the feckin lions were always hungry ,no matter what you fed them. One day we ran out of lion food entirely and the hungry beasts took matters into their own paws and ate a small boy who had strayed beyond the clearly indicated exclusion zone.The parents made an awful fuss altogether, made such a song and a dance of it,I couldn't believe it.The way they carried on you would think it was their only child but they had THREE others!!! We offered them free season tickets, one day specials to see the lions at feeding time, reduced price lifetime membership of the castle wild club (with 10% discount in the gift shop) and still they weren't happy ,kept weeping and wailing about 'poor, poor, Timmy' I even offered to name the lion that ate him 'Timmy' as some kind of commemoration and they just threw it back in my face and insisted on sueing us for damages.That payout and a few others to the ESB have left us almost destitute.So, in order to save the castle ,in particular the ramparts and the portcullis, i am announcing the launch of the 'Conserve ramparts and portcullis' campaign or CRAP for short.