Saturday, March 28, 2009

Women are from Longford, Men are from Louth.

He says ,she says ,part one.

(She's going to Aldi.)

She says: Do you want anything?

He says: Yes. Get me 4 cans of Saint Etienne lager a bottle of white wine and a packet of BBQ flavour tortilla chips.

One hour later.

She says: Here's your beer and chips ,is this wine ok?

He says: Yeah, that's grand, thanks.

He says , she says, part two

(He's going to Aldi)

He says: Do you want anything ?

She says: yeah.

He says: What would you like?

She says: Somethin nice -surprise me.

He (groaning inwardly) says: What , some wine or something?

She says: Yeah.

He says: Would you like Red or white?

She says: Either, I don't mind.

He says: Right. Any snacks?

She says: Ok.

He says: What type?

She says: Nothin Junky , oh ,and not those awful BBQ tortillas you had last time!

He says checkin: Right so , bottle of wine and a healthy type of snack - no tortillas?

She says: Yeah.

One hour later.

He says: There you go ,nice bottle of red , not the cheap stuff and some olive breadsticks.

She says: Breadsticks? Breadsticks ? Didn't they have anything else?

He says: Not really just junky crisps and tortillas.

She says: Why didn't you get the tortillas then.

He (sphincter tightening almost imperceptibly) says: But you said you didn't want tortillas.

She says: Yeah, I know but that was before I knew you were getting me breadsticks, I mean breadsticks, perleeese.

He begins to say: But.....

She interupts: And Red wine!! You know I don't like red wine, together after all these years and you still don't know what I like and don't like!

He says; But you had (a little too much) red wine last week at Brendan's.

She says: Because that was a party -that's different, surely you know the difference?

He ( blood pressure rising rapidly) says: Well look , Aldi is closed now, but I could go to Tesco's and get whatever you want.

She says: No it's too late the nights ruined- I don't know why I ever married you.


Jeanne Iris said...


As for snacks, a man can't go wrong with nuts, dried fruit and seeds, for they're healthier, making him look good in her eyes...and they possess assorted connotations. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Jeanne's idea is great unless the woman is me. My teeth (that I have abused by drinking Pepsi like water for 30-some years) tend to break on nuts and seeds and tough things to bite through like dried fruit. :(

Ah, well, it isn't a perfect world. And if I wanted all of my teeth, I should have been drinking milk and water.


BarbaraS said...

Yep, that's pretty much true :)

Jeanne Iris said...

Oh Susan, please forgive me! I didn't even think about that possibility. hmmm...well then, in that case perhaps another option would be... bananas?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Nuts? Dried fruit? SEEDS?? No I'm sorry Jeanne there's no pet shop around here.

And Susan, at my age I'm just glad to have a few teeth left to break!

And B thanks - bit of literary licence for sure but all the same yeah kinda and I'll stop diggin before the hole gets too big.

Poetikat said...

That's a first. I haven't seen the word "sphincter" on a blog in all my travels (except web m.d.). It was, I believe, one of my dad's favourite words.


P.S. I've had "Oliver's Army" in my head for days now.


Yes, I recognise the 'surprise me' element to this. Surprise me, but know what I want, even if I don't know... I do it all the time!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hello WRW, congrats on your reading at Nighthawks be da way and Yes, but do you throw lumps of bacon at your partners head if they get it wrong?


We're veggies, there are no lumps of bacon in this house!! Lumps of nutloaf...

Totalfeckineejit said...

Mrs Beautiful EEjit is a veggie too, since she was 14, but likes to keep a hunk O bacon in da house as Nutloaf lacks the required density to knock a fat fucker off a stool.