Wednesday, March 4, 2009

TED HUGHES FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE


Yep ,it's true ,I think Teddy boy may be trying to communicate with me.I've always been a big fan of TH ,well i say always but in reality that's only the last few years since I developed an interest in writin stuff that is occasionally mistaken fer poetry .(All that glisters my friends) Anyway come here, listen, I had lost all appetite for writing , not a block exactly, worse, much worse -no desire to write at all and no regret or frustration at the loss.Then I started reading the letters of Ted Hughes again ,(700 pages in total and I had only got to about page 150 previously) when lo and behold ,inspired by the magic of the words ,the creative urge returned as if absorbed from the pages in some form of mystic osmosis. Now clearly Ted's powers aren't what they used to be, for my writing ,though restored ,was no better than before.Either that or the transmission from heavenly Ted to earthbound EEjit was losing it's effevescence through the ether.Now Ted was a great follower of Mythology and the occult and a great believer(and forecaster) of horoscopes and the ouija board , himself and Sylvia often looking for messages from' The Great Beyond' (No not the Navan Road) Clearly Ted needed a cypher, a channel, or some kind of medium to reach me and I think he may have chosen our dog , Molly the Collie.Highly intelligent animals ,like Molly, can sense spirits and even actually see ghosts.Have you ever seen a dog in a room just solidly staring at an apparently vacant space? Well know you know why! Anyway Molly has been exhibiting some unusual behaviour of late -for example there was a clatter of books on the floor in the west wing library on the third floor ,here in the castle ,and one of these books was 'Birthday letters' by Ted Hughes and molly continually licked this book alone whilst ignoring all others.She has also peed on a book by Germaine Greer.But the most extraordinary thing of all is that of her poo.Now in the EEjit family we have a history of studying poo long before that scotts lady on the telly.As I child we had a commode ,or shit-box as we used to call it, and Aunt Mary used to empty this out early every morning and pass comment about your bowel movements and the state of your health accordingly.As a matter of interest , she could also tell your fortune from your stool ,much like people used to do with tea leaves. Many's the great night we had here in the castle years ago when a few neighbours would call round for a game of cards and a bit of shit fortune telling. Anyway I always have a good look at Molly's poo to see her state of health and over the weeks the incredible and unmistakeable realisation slowly dawned on me that her poo was actually formed in the shape of letters of the alphabet and i was in fact receiving messages from the other world ! Clearly Molly was acting as some form of canine faecal ouija board.The first word of these poo messages was TED , clear as day.Since then her poo's have gone on to spell out THIS IS.. I can't wait for the next installment watch this space!
As for the 'poetry' I'm not sure i have the ability, the inclination ,the desire or heart for it at all ,in fact I sometimes wonder if I'm just going through the motions.



9 comments:

Jeanne Iris said...

Dear TFE,

You are my hero today, for I really, really, REALLY needed this.

The photograph, your humor, Mollie the Collie; it all works for me.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Aw shucks it was nothin-

but brilliant , I totallyfeckinagree,I am a hero, there's no end to my genius.

Liz said...

TFE, you should be onto a good number with the shit-fortune-telling as long as no there are no fans around...
Oh and take a bow...or better still get sending a flash or two to Fish, pronto...wicked words, wicked way about you, bound to find silver lining...

(word verification: comeon...(no kidding! ; )))

Totalfeckineejit said...

Yes Liz,there are a lot of shit fortune tellers out there. I think it could be a good number for me and i think that number might be number two. Thanks for the comp tip, all i need now is 300 words and the loan of €12. If anyone is asking for me , tell them I've gone fishin.

Gas Vero be da way :)

Dominic Rivron said...

I tried scatomancy once but it drove me round the bend. :)

Totalfeckineejit said...

You mean it's got a name?! I've never heard of scatomancy before, I thought it might have been an 'ism like 'shiteism' or an 'ology like 'pooology' but never a scutternancy. thanks Dom.

PJ Nolan said...

Strewth! Sewerseer Shitetalk Sparks Synchronistic SALE!!!

Just picked up Letters of TH yesterday (hardback on good reduction in Books Upstairs). Mystical forces obviously in the ascendant.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Welcome PJ, thanks for dropping by- nice bit of alliteration there.Synchronicity shenanigans or zeitgeist zoomorphic influence.Either way,Ted is talking.Hope you enjoy the book, I have so far,in fact the more you read the better it gets.Will you resist the temptation to go straight to the sylvia letters?

PJ Nolan said...

Ha. I will resist. Barely cracked the cover yet - it joins a lot of competition in my bookpile. My reading is becoming dangerously fragmented- time for a springclean!