Yes it's TOTALFECKINEEJIT

Friday, April 2, 2010

THE POETRY BUS

Don't forget the best way to work off the calories of chocolate eggs is to write a poem.This is scientific fact.So when you have eaten choccy till you droppy, or look like Mr Creosote, get going on the Bus.It's still in Scotlo and it's leaving from here...http://theswisslounge.blogspot.com/2010/03/poetry-bus-she-is-here.html Nice pics from Swiss. Pick a pic and write an epic poem about it, post it on yer blog on Monday(or before , or after) and let him know in his comments box, he'll post links to all the passengers.Trust him , he's a Doctor.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Forget the Ides of March !

THE LAUNCH DATE OF THE POETRY BUS MAGAZINE IS................Drum roll......pause.......baited fish.....Fuck it, it's MIDSUMMER'S DAY! My favourite day, balmy, barmy and maggeekal.

It's 21st June and perhaps, I din't really know or care, the summer solstice. It's also made famous in the play 'A midsummer nights dream' by Edridge Coleman.

June is brillo, often full of sun and daylight and short nights and long days and heat and happiness and hope and holidays and ice cream and forgetting your cares and for going places with your friends and getting drunk and falling over and falling in love.

I've been doing things the right way in the right order with the mag, compiling it, getting it designed, applying for funding.This is where I have gone wrong. I never do things the right way, if there's a wrong way to do something I'll usually find it. I've been all here's me belly me arse is coming, now I'm gonna be here's me arse me belly is coming.
Like I usually do.

I'm starting with the final thing, the launch, in belief that everything else will fall into place. So put it in your diaries June 21st 2010 the first issue of The Poetry Bus Magazine will hit the streets.

I'm doing another funding application which I will have to drive to it's destination as I've left it too late to post. This will be interesting as I have the car's THIRD NCT (MOT) test, yes, THIRD test, tomorrow.I'm too emotionally traumatised at this stage to even begin to recount the catalogue of farce inflicted on me and my luffly but ancient Audi by Laurel and Hardy down at the test centre. Sweary words were exchanged the last time, I'm bringing boxing gloves this time. Think of me at 12.25 pm, I'm seeking positive thoughts and new medication.

By the way it's not just L and H that have it in for me. A few nights ago someone, some thing, stole the drivers side wing mirror (just the glass) and (wait for it) the windscreen wiper!! Frantic trawls around the scrapyards yielded a replacement mirror that fits-mostly.I just hope tweedle Dum doesnt touch it when he tests the car tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

She is a BUS! The Bus is a she?

Never thought of the bus having a gender.Never saw it as a woman, all diesel and weight and dirt.Maybe that was sexist of me? Any which way here (or there) she is over at another Scottish bard's house (ok, I know Foxo is Englo but she lives in Scotlo) Cyclist extraordinaire and medical Doctor /Surgeon/Nurse/ type enigmatic thing ,Swiss! Who is an accomplished (Bus) poet and has just had a poem selected for next issue of qarrtsiluni. Well done Swiss.

He has an intewresting task for us here...http://theswisslounge.blogspot.com/2010/03/poetry-bus-she-is-here.html

Get writing people of The Bus.

Ps Don't forget to check out my TWO lists of books to buy in the previous posts.To which you can add Jeanne's book The Theory Of Iconic Realism. http://totalfeckineejit.blogspot.com/2009/01/buy-this-book.html Jeanne is another bus poet and hasn't missed a trip, she is also a smart cookie and a Professor!

Hers is a foundational book on a revolutionary theory as a way to interpret art, music, literature, film and the media in relation to culture. If someone who writes for a literary journal would love to review it, then that person could own it for FREE. Otherwise, with a note to Jeanne, providing a land address, she will promptly send a discount form of $39.95 (£19.95...or thereabouts). The discount is effective through May, 2010. After that, the price returns to $89.95.

One day, when she's alphabetically between Julia Kristeva and George Lukacs in a Theory Anthology, you'll be able to sell this little book for thousands of dollars, perhaps millions! It has sold on Amazon for $190.00 in New Jersey this past year. Already a hot item with collectors! Get it while you can!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Stuff and things a more stuff Part UNO!

First up mucho thanksy to Rachel Fox who who drove the Poetry bus with much aplomb.A pure natural she took to bus driving like a duck to water. She has to hand the keys over to Swiss for next week.He'll park the Bus up here....http://travelsinthefloatingelvis.blogspot.com/ or possibly here...http://theswisslounge.blogspot.com/ he may not even turn up at all,which is where the excitement builds n'est ce pas?Put a drop of Diesel in for him Foxo and make sure you leave it in gear, the handbrake isn't what it was.Great to see some new passengers aboard, ye are all very welcome to The People's Poetry Bus,I look forward to more new recruits next week and all the weeks to come. Great too to have the usual gang on the back seat. This journey is gonna be....emotional!

In another part of the Galaxy....

Well done to Bus poets Kate Dempsey (Emerging writer) Niamh Bagnell (Various) Peter Goulding (The stammering Poet) and TotalFeckinEEjit (TotalFeckinEEjit) who are all about to be published in the latest copy of Revival poetry magazine.Revival is always an interesting read, it's one of only two poetry mags that I buy regularly.Why don't you buy it? It's lovely, made of paper and full of poems, what more could anyone want?Don't forget my poem is in there,(as well as 3 other bus poets) and is probably the best poem ever written. People have been known to swoon under the sheer joy of it's spell. It can cure warts, piles, ringworm and certain strains of the common cold. It is also guaranteed to bring you untold wealth. All that for €7 !!! Buy your cure/wealth/ poems here.......https://sites.google.com/site/revivalpress/purchase Think of it not as a purchase but an investment in your mental, physical and financial well being.

More things.....

Hard to believe people that Christmas is but around the corner again.Where did that year go to?Only 239 shopping days left till the big day.I bet you haven't got a single present bought, but don't worry, panic ye not, for I am here to help with The TotalFeckinEEjit Christmas Present Guide 2010!

All these thingswill make fantasto gifts for all people of all ages , alive or dead.

First from Bus Driver extraordinaire and Poet Rachel Fox , a really lovely poetry collection called 'More about the song' It's eco friendly and beautifully made and a bargain at £7. She also does a fine range of poetry postcards, these make brilliant bookmarks as well as being handy to send to people. Buy her book and cards here.....http://www.crowd-pleasers.net/

Another deadly no prisoners taken (even when prisoners are taken) collection ,this time from Bus Poet Joanne McKay Titus.Hard hitting and moving. At £5 it's worth buying for the wonderful cover alone! Email Joanne to get yerself a copy.....mailto:Titusmckay@aol.com

Stuff and things and what? Part DEUX

A fine anthology from The Deansgrange Writers Group featuring our own Bus Poet Padhraig Nolan among a host of others. A mixture of poetry and prose there is something for everyone in this professionally produced 96 page book. Padhraig's poetry is as strong as ever here and watch out for the title Story by John Piggott a metaphysical journey like you've never witnessed before! More information and how to buy can be found here.......http://www.deansgrangewriters.com/ All proceeds from this book go to The National Rehabilitation Hospital (Ireland)

John (Jack) Hayes of Robert Frost's Banjo has a finely wrought beat style (or 'beat formalist' as Jack coins it) collection called 'The Days Of Wine and Roses' It covers his poetry from 1990- 2003. Another nicely made book which can be bought in paperback for €7.30 or downloaded as a PDF for FREE........here......http://www.lulu.com/commerce/index.php?fBuyContent=8282313 John/Jack hasn't yet been on the weekly bus but has kindly given a poem for the soon to be launched first issue of The Poetry Bus magazine.

The Poetry Divas ,Kate Dempsey (Emerging Writer) Niamh Bagnell (Various) and Triona Walsh (Domestic Oubliette) are three girly womaen type things that perform together where anyone will listen to them , including the Electric Picnic and Flatlakes festivals. All Bus Poets they produced a lovely (if girly) hand made (not home made) poetry pamphlet called Poetry Divas 1.It can be yours for a bluey (€5) plus €1 p+p here....http://emergingwriter.blogspot.com/ scroll down the sidebar to find it, you won't regret it- trust me!

I don't have a photo of it but multi talented artist Susan Sanford (ArtSparker) has a wonderful book of imagesand words about Alice In Wonderland.It's called 'Dreaming Alice' and you can preview it here and also BUY it ..........http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1224132 Susan is the Bus Poetry Magazine designer and illustrator and I'm looking forward to seeing her work in the finished article WATCH THIS SPACE!!!

Ok, you can stop watching now.

There you are folks that's the Christmas rush sorted. I really like to help.

Ps. Many thanks to Hyposperous (The Golden Hare) for helping with the books.Jimmy The Butler usually assists but he's still thumbing his way home after losing his shirt on Paddy The Plasterer at Cheltenham. Ah well!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

The Poetry Bus Poem.

The Bus is brim full of diesel and heading out around the world.It's already in Scotland over at Rachel Fox's blog http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/RamblingWithRachelFox/~3/pYokpYZ91ng/poetry-bus-poetry-bus-where-are-you.html

Get theeover to there and see the passengers and a link to this weeks challenge, set by Foxo herself, join in why doncha? The departure date is Monday but you can get aboard anytime before then(or even after) It's that kind of a bus,with a timetable from heaven.

Basically we have to choose a (favourite) word and use that for the start/basis of the poem.But that's just a guideline , you have the baton, run with it ,write anything ye like about anything ye like. JUST WRITE!

I don't have a favourite word so I waited for one to drop from the sky.And one bounced out of the poet Paul Muldoon's mouth into Niamh B's ear and onto her blog and into my poem.The word is 'guddle' which apparently is what you do when you tickle a fish to catch it.

The Beautiful South

Guddle me fuddle
We’re all in a muddle
Whispering wound and a blood ,e blood ,e blood.

And a say nothing and a nothing is silence,

And no silence is golden,

And pieces of silver go clink, a-clink ,a-clinkety, clink.

Then lick , a-lick, a lickety-lick the wounds
Clean as a whistle blower blow, a-blow, a-blowing.
What, oh what, are we showing?

A terrible racket
This poetry business.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

POETRY BUS GOES TO SCOTLAND

The Poetry Bus World Tour is underway. Starting with Rachel Fox http://crowd-pleasers.blogspot.com/2010/03/get-off-bus-and.html

Here are the tour dates in full:

Monday 29th March Foxo

Monday 5th April Swisso

Monday 12th April Niamho

Monday 19th April PFo

Monday 26th April Argento

Monday 3rd May Watercatso

Monday 10th May P.Nolano

Monday 17th May Barbara Smitho

Monday 24th May Teressao

Monday 31st May Billo

Monday 7th June Weavero

Monday 14th June Jeanneo

More drivers needed. Long hours ,(not really I'm just being dramatic) no pay, but ultimate job satisfaction guaranteed, or your money back. (Just joking no fees involved, but donations welcome.)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

POETRY BUS WORLD TOUR

I want the bus to go on tour.I'm looking for victims, I mean volunteers to drive the bus on their blog, a different blog each week for 4 weeks.If you would like to drive the bus and set the weeks task, just let me know in the comments box.If I get less than 4 that's ok,if I get more I'll put the names into a hat and pull 4 out.No experience or licence required.Doesn't matter if you've never been on the bus before or have never even written a poem, all are welcome

C'mon drive the bus, you know you want to, please?

Don't forget to see previous post below for this weeks bus trip, John McEnroe is driving but he thinks it's a boat for some reason.I think his headband might be too tight.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

THe (monday) SUndaY Pome (on a sitarday)

Looking at you with lust in my eye

picture this portrait the drinking Dorian Grey

blood shot peepers peeping at you

Whiskey and wry a one armed bandit

a triggerless gun

you've gotta hand it to me

right here in my dirty face

overweight and out of date

sing it manic street preacher

every drop says I love you

every drop makes me hate you more

happy alone when i am with you

master and mistress victim and whore

you still twist and turn me on

could I find the switch I would turn you off

i am you and you are me

and soon how happy we shall be

dying in the arms of love

one shot two shots three shots more

level up the horizon

even up the score

the best years i gave you , yet

you stole them from me

all these highs are lows

and still how happy we will be

dying in the arms of love

first thing in the morning

last thing at night

looking for the darkness

blinded by the light

straight jackets wouldn't hold me

nor prison walls confine me

till i get back to you

we are dying in the arms of love

the sweetest kiss ever crossed these lips

the blackened rose the DT throes of love

nor law nor duty nor public men nor cheering crowds

this impulse of delight

this bloodied rose

this thorn

this sweet decay

i love you still

hate you more.

Ok, (amphibious) Bus people, Batten down the hatches, burn the mainsail and splice yer barnacles, , we're heading for heavy seas. Har!

First mate Jeanne slugging it out

http://revolutionaryrevelry.blogspot.com/2010/03/rotten-apples-prelude-to-mondays-poetry.html

Awash with anarchy (Percy) Bill (Shelley)

http://usuallyconfined.blogspot.com/2010/03/mask-of-anarchy-2010.html

Weaver waving the white flag from sick bay

http://weaverofgrass.blogspot.com/2010/03/waiting-at-bus-stop.html

TFE BLOG LOSES BLOG AWARD- GASP!

I don't believe it! THe dream is at an end after minutes of toil, years of blood , snot,sweat and tears. It's been a rololercoaster (a cross between rolos and rollercoaster) ride of joy and laughter, pleasure and pain, sometimes the pain was the pleasure and other times the pleasure was the pain.

After jumping all the hurdle and with the finish line in sight the TFE blog bus type thing has fallen/run out of diesel at the final fence/bus stop.

Ah feck it/fuck it.
It was the jumbo header that did for me, and the fact that there just wasn't enough swearing and needlework. Being rubbish didn't exactly help either.

It will be hard now ,almost impossible ,to carry on after this devastating blow, but carry on we must, for we are men (and women and goats,) and carrying on is what men (women and goats) do best. Sure we will probably fall again, but we will pick ourselves up and maybe even fall again, (that's whiskey for you ) but we will carry on carrying on till we are carried out.

Let no man (woman, goat) here say 'he blog that is TFE didn't carry on regardless after devastatingly, and without hazzard warning lights, being eliminated in the final get down shakeup of the 2010 Irish blog awards in the best arse, sorry, best Arts and Culture blog category! '

Instead may they declare that 'this blanket is intended to be used as an "underblanket" and therefore shouldalways be placed on a relativey firm and un-adjustable donkey'

Or something equally heroic.

Hopes yous are all getting yer pomes ready for the angry bus. It will be driven by a young John McEnroe being stung by a bumble bees and swatting them with his tennis racket.

Pip pip!

(No,I didn't get them out of a sour grape)

Best of luck to all the finalists. Nuala Ní Chonchúir is in there and Emerging Writer's son, so extra best luck to them!