Friday, January 22, 2010

TOTALFECKINMELTDOWN


But me heads still frozen.Ha ha ha ha ha! Seven days to Nuala's visit and I'm cluckin like a Turkey on nChristmas Eve,questions ,questions questions.That is the question in question.Ha. Three little birds on a wire, Houston we have a prblem, ground control to Major Tom,Mork calling Orsen ,Come in Orsen ,your time is up and so nearly is mine.Three questions, where are they? Maybe I shopuld look behind the sofa. Nuala's here on the 29th, she's like a proper real writer, top notch,I love her books.The word pocket in me brain is empto,save for a marble an elastic band and a cough sweet, what use is that for questioning famous people? Car crash television comes to blogland, read all about it.

34 comments:

Totalfeckineejit said...

Look at that sunshine and snow ying and yang double or quits the king is in the altogether now what are we gonna do now? Maybe I should ask Vanessa Redgrave.

Totalfeckineejit said...

My advice to you is to calm down and then quietly leave the country.

Lots of love from NotTotalfeckinEEjit.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Have you thought of asking three answers?

Yours sincerely,
Concerned of Tunbridge Wells.

willow said...

Gosh, you need some of that mustard and drambuie concoction.

English Rider said...

-What would you like to see written on your headstone? Is always a good question.
-What moment in your life do you look back on as "The Fork in the Road"?
-What would be different today if you had chosen the other fork?
There you go, best I can do.

ArtSparker said...

I see worlds within worlds.

Dominic Rivron said...

Check out Three Questions. :)

Rachel Fox said...

You're worrying me a little now. And I'm too far away to be of any use.
I know it's hard to keep the magical 'it' together but it is important to try and keep track of some bits of it at least. Do you know where any of the bits are? And the sticky tape?
It sounds a bit like you need some focus, something to work on. Build a shed or something.
x

WOMEN RULE WRITER said...

Is that YOUR red car?! I am jealous...

Heather said...

Don't panic TFE - there is still a week to go to Nuala's visit. Make a list of all the things you MIGHT ask her, and then whittle it down to the three most important/interesting ones. Who knows, you might even manage to sneak in a couple more? I've noticed you have been talking to yourself - very unwise in stressful situations. Take a deep breath and try to relax - all will be well.

Uiscebot said...

This is Orsen, you rang again? Stop wasting my time you fecking eejit. Ask her what you want to know yourself about poetry, nuala is good at talking about her work, she'll give good answers no matter what. I've read her pamphlet, it's very good.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Change that header from that dead thrush to a singing, chirpy one for a start - that should give you a bit of a lift and it will be all stations go-go=go after that - I promise!

Argent said...

Ask her what she'd make of a marble, an elastic band and a cough sweet. Which fictional character would you most like to meet and why? What is your favorite manhole cover design? You'll be alright, don't sweat it.

Raph G. Neckmann said...

I agree with Weaver, TFE. A new inspiring and humorous header would be good.

And I'm sure you'll come up with ideal and witty questions - stick your neck out and go for it!

(Why is it that as soon as I read about a fork in the road the image of a plateful of food appeared in my mind?)

Totalfeckineejit said...

Yes,TotakfecjinEEjiy,I'll ask her when Im near te the theatre.

Totalfeckineejit said...

NotTitleFookinOOjip,Under curfew and passport confiscated, so mmoon lit flit is otta dequashion.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Concerned of Upton upon Tees, asking three answers may disrupt the delicate balance of the cosmos resulting in a 100/1 winner in the 3.40 at Fairyhouse.Paddy Power will not tolerate.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hey Willow, hey Willow, hey Willow.

Totalfeckineejit said...

My Headstone ER, will have an inbuilt speaker and a pressure sensitive pad buried nearby,anyone passing or gawking will be greated by 'MWaaaaaahaaaawahhh! Let me outtta here!'And yes the fork or the egg and spoon the cow jumped over the moon and how the little dog laughed cos it was drunk again.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Sparkey, worlds within worlds, wheels within bicycles.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Domino,Are they swifts or swallows, three or five ,I cannot tell? I'm searching the Holy grail, the final rolo, the silent K in Knacker.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Incidently what does happen to all those silent letters we never say, and if we don't say them and nobody in the woods gets hit by a falling tree, the population may outgrow our limitations.Imagine the queues at the post office.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Don't worry Foxo, eberythings under control,vanessa is on her way and the blue moon is in the ascendency.You are psychic be the way, I have a dream of owning if not building a shed, one of my favo books is 'Men and Sheds' by Gordon Thorburn and this very week I found a blog called shedblog.co .uk.Was it on your blog.Somewhere anyhow.The bits are all floating spinning and are in the right places but at the wrong times, if I could slow down or speed up the universal turntable of thought with a variable thrust throttle I'd be away withy the mixer insread of the faeries.

Totalfeckineejit said...

No Nuala tis not my red car but I did have a blue wan that wasn't the least bit like it when I was younger.

Totalfeckineejit said...

I always talk to myself Heather, and that's just fine and dandy.it's when I start ignoring me and plotting against me behind my back ,that I really have a problem with me.We'll just have to sort me out.Good advice though, thank you.It's like the old adage you can't put an old head on young legs or lead a horse to watford without buying it a drink.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Orsen! I thought you were dead! thank the All Omnipotent overseer for that.Did you bring the hydropnuematic fickle flange with you? Yes whiskeywattle, the pamphlo is tops and you is right, nools will brill despite the questos, not because of them.

Totalfeckineejit said...

There's never a chirpy thrush around when you want one Weaver, but more good advice.I did manage to corner some unsuspecting yellow orchids or triffids or sun/corn/wheat/lager flowers when the sun popped it's peepers out.Thank you.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Argent, I think those 3 things could make an effective, if fatal, cure for the common cold.Good ideas again , thank you.My fave man hole cover is a pair of underpants.

(Do you realise this stuff is pure genius? Comics would (literally) die with material like this and here I am squandering my genius in te comments section of my own anonymous blog!)

Totalfeckineejit said...

Raph, a fork in the road is worth a spoon in the bush.

Jeanne Iris said...

I LOVE that picture, TFE!!!! and can't wait until the 29th to read your interview with Nuala! Can't wait...can't wait....can't wait....

the watercats said...

you'll be grand!... especially if you can keep from talking to yourself :-D
look forward to it!

Titus said...

Do you need any more advice. Of course not, so here's mine. Any "wh.." word is always a good start, and if not the ABC's of conversation: "Are you...?", "Because of...?" and "Can you....?". Ta Da. These are my handy hints for the boys, and seem to work for them.
Love ya, it'll be great.

Totalfeckineejit said...

[Mrs.Ejet here]


You're usually very good at asking questions, loike...

'Where's me dinner?'

'Where are me underpants?'

'Who ate the last packet of crisps?'



You'll be fine, now crack on.

Karen said...

Okay. Breathe. Slowly.