Tuesday, April 6, 2010

A pain in the arse (and other news)


Fell over again today. Second time in six weeks. Right on me left (arse) cheek this time and heavy enough to shake the living bejabbers out of me. My arse is killing me. If there is such a thing as an arse bone in yer buttock, I've definitely broken it. I lay on me back in the mud roaring and repeating Fugh! Fugh! Fugh! Over and over ,with Mollie the Collie looking at me from a safe distance. I thought I'd never get up,I thought I'd never walk again, my broken blobby jellymould body to be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my days.
But no comrades, like a phoenix, no, like a partially tranquilised elephant I rose from the ashes of my misfortune and strode again across the earth like a mighty collusus, well , like a limping fat muddy bastard.


Meanwhile in another part of the Cosmos, Bus Driver par excellence, Swiss, has handed the keys of The Poetry Bus over to Niamh Bagnell, performance poet and broadcaster to the world. Swiss hauled in some quality responses to his curiously interesting photos and I'm sure Niamh will get some great results with a different prompt altogether! I'm looking forward to having a go.

Take a quick dose of smelling salts to really clear your head then dive into her labyrinthine instructions, here..

http://variouscushions.blogspot.com/2010/04/tfes-poetry-bus-hits-lucanland.html

34 comments:

The Josie Baggley Company said...

sorry to hear you're falling arseways you poor sod..maybe you should insert some cushion into your undies or a couple of bags of those cheap marshmallows so if you can't get up and you're alone you can munch away & think about your options. In the meantime you've won a prize over at mine!

English Rider said...

"Just an excuse to roll around in the mud with his dog. He'll do anything for a laugh!"

Poetikat said...

When I need help falling asleep tonight, I shall envision your partially tranquilized elephant rising from the mud and the laughter will induce a likewise tranquility. I've landed on my tailbone a couple of times and it does really hurt.

Couldn't you get Mollie to give you a shove?

Kat

SUSAN SONNEN said...

Crap! I missed the bus this week! :(

I'm sorry to hear about your butt problems, love.

Jeanne Iris said...

That is one kick-ass photo, TFE!

I'm so sorry to hear about your fall but glad to know that you're already on the mend.

Niamh B said...

Sorry to hear about the fall Mr. Fair play on the getting up again, take care of yourself won't you!

Argent said...

When we're kids we fall down all the time, don't we? But it's such a shock to the body and to the dignity to do it as an adult, isn't it? Someone should invent wearable air-bags (or the marshmallow idea is good). I'm a bad person and will no doubt rot in Hell for all eternity for laughing like a partially-blocked drain at a poor fellas misfortune.

Liz said...

That's the way to do it, TFE, picking oneself up and shaking oneself down - no udder way, me fears.

(Got a donkey photo just like your donkey photo...same look too...I love donkeys, might get meself one as a 'pick-me-up'...(no reference to falling intended!)) ; )

Totalfeckineejit said...

Zippidy Dippidy AAArgh OOOgah!I've WON a PRIZE!! Go me!Thanks Josie.And the mash mellows is a good idea but I'd still be there in the mud if I had food (or drink) with me.

Totalfeckineejit said...

I'm paying for it now Eglish Rider, my arse is black and blue.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Good thinking Kat I might get a sled and get Mollie to pull me along in comfort.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Don't worry Susan, we missed you but next weeks task is already on the blackboard, so get stuck in!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Glad you likes the fotee Jeanney.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Twas touch and go Niamh,I didn't shufle off this mortal coil but I did crack it a bit.

Totalfeckineejit said...

D'ya know Argent that is exactly what I was thinking when I fell the first time (on concrete) and got gravel grazes, remember them? Immediately I thought of falling as a kid and how totally different a sensation it is now.Ya gotta laugh though!!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Donkeys are the best, Liz, as soon as(if ever) we get our own house with an acre we're getting a donkey.Best animals in the world (and dogs, Mollie reads this)

John Hayes said...

Partially tranquilised elephant! Don't fall on yr arse, TFE--it hurts; I've done it myself, perhaps under similar circumstances. I'm all banged up myself now, tho I can't even think of a funny way to describe it. Cheers.

Ann said...

It is one ass or another for your post today!!! Mud is good for the skin I have heard.

The Weaver of Grass said...

It wasn't a case of not taking enough water with it, was it?

Sorry about your fall - I am prone to falls myself - my physio has offered to teach me how to fall without hurting myself - but I don;t believe it.

Hope it is not too painful. Do try to keep upright. I am sure Mollie the Collie would be puzzled - it must be hard for someone walking on four legs to understand why we try to walk on two.

Blessings.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Hope you are Ok John,pain is a pain, n'est ce pas?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Ann, that's a much better looking ass in the header, believe me!But yes, my skin is deliciously silky smooth after falling in a pile of shite!

Heather said...

Sorry to hear about your fall Peadar, but my lovely old Granny would always say when we fell down as kids 'If he/she can make that much noise there's not much damage done'. It still hurts though doesn't it?

Totalfeckineejit said...

Oh, how I wish I'd been there to [laugh ] help.

[Mrs.Eej]

Totalfeckineejit said...

Ha ah, just thought...you always were a pain in the arse and now you have one aaaah ha ha aha


[Mrs.Eej. Again ]

Róisín O'Farrell said...

Reason it hurts more when we fall (now that we're grown ups) is that we've further to fall!

Jennifer Morrison said...

Sorry TFE, and I'm truly for your pain, but I have to say I'm kind of gratified to know that I'm not the only one who falls down randomly. Each time I do I think, "I really need to drink more milk because NEXT TIME..."

Easy going til your arse gets better...

NICHOLAS JACKMAN said...

If you are interested Id like to run an interview with you sometime - I can be contacted on (042) 9320888 or on editorial@dundalkleader.com - lets get acquainted .

Karen said...

Sorry 'bout that butt! I have no advice, as I fall over on a regular basis. Put anything on the ground, and I'll stumble over it. From one to another, welcome to the mud!

Hope to catch the bus this time. I'm still on the road this week.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Learn how to fall Weaver? Well I'm getting plenty of practice!And no whiskey was involved (Hic!)You have a point about the dogs, I'm going around on hands and knees from now on!

Totalfeckineejit said...

That's very true Heather, the real damge is when silemce follows the fall.If noise equals lack of injury, I was surely not hurt at all the amount I was making!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Yes Róisín, further to fall, and ,in my case, much more to fall with!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Thanks Jennifer! Milk to strengthen the bones? I was hoping Guinness did that!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Nicholas.
A) Is this a joke?
B) How much do I get paid? :)

Totalfeckineejit said...

See ya on the bus karen, don't trip over it before I do!