Wednesday, September 29, 2010
'Butane Boy' by Colm Keegan.
(The magnificent FREE pull-out print inside every copy of issue one of The Poetry Bus Magazine)
And there are more equally wonderful illustrations by Susan Sanford, Ron Batteson, Scalder.
Poems by professors, grandmothers, scientists,students, atheists, christians, blacks, whites,prisoners, free people, men, women, everyone and anyone is welcome to enter this bus.Ticket price: a great poem.
The eagle has landed!!
First exclusive pictures of the poetry magazine they call 'Bus' A beast rarer, more magical, more beautiful, than the offspring of a phoenix mated to a unicorn. These are proof copies,for proof reading ,and also as physical proof of something wonderful to all the funding bodies that rejected us, who more or less said it wouldn't be done, or would be done very, very badly. Look up my HOLE, philistines, doubting, uncaring, un-enlightened, Thomases, you wouldn't know art or creativity if it bit you on your scabby subsidised arse.
And all praise, all thanks, to each and every one of you poets and artists out there, that DID believe, who donated their precious time, their precious works and words of art, freely(in every sense of the word!) and willingly.
Some people even donated money, a vote of hope of faith, and I can't thank them enough, for without them this magazine would not be.They saw rainbows, they saw bright light, where those holding puppet strings chose to only see failure and darkness. More fool them.
Believers lights shine in this dark world, and they (believe me) shine in this little magazine, by fuck they do!It is a gem.And that is no idle boast,and it's all thanks to the brilliance of the people involved, it is all your work on show, and it shines, IT SHINES!! Give yourselves a pat on the back and have a drink on me.
Thanks too to my long suffering wife Collette, who helped with hints and fair criticism, but mainly with unfailing patience and love.It's not easy living with a drunken arsehole, but she does it very well.
This is OTT, this is like an Oscar speech, but I don't give a feck,if you've been battered down all your life then suddenly given a golden trumpet by poets and artists and good people, ,you'd be a crass fool not to blow it.
And seriously if you can buy this mag then buy it.You won't get a better read for €5 anywhere in the world. If enough copiesof this first issue are sold I won't have to go cap in hand on my knees to the bursary givers to fund the second issue.Believe me I will if I have to, but I'd love to be afforded the dignity to tell them to shove it.
Proof copy will be returned to printers tomorrow with instructions to do the first print run.Magazines should be available to buy on Monday.Please do.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Well peeps of the planet Earth, the virtual weekly poetry bus is a flying HERE
And issue one of the real physical Poetry Bus Magazine has, wait for it, GONE TO THE PRINTERS!!! I can hardly believe it myself, but you can only stand over the pot for so long, sooner or later ya gotta pee.
Financially it's all a tight-rope high-wire balancing act now, so if you have folding MONEY burning a hole in your pocket,or, if you have coins down the back of the sofa, please throw them into the pot (not the piss pot) POETRY BUS HONEY POT HERE
via the PayPal donate button.
Your rewards will be manifold and magnificent!
Wrote this between panic attacks, needs work! I've been far too light hearted of late, tis time I got back to my modus operandi of misery, apologos!
Hugh, Pugh, Barley MacGrew,
everything was new,
glorious in colourful non sense.
'Weed, little weed'
Bill and Ben
and then The Zen
Zebedee with those awful
Concluding words twisting fear
Papa Gigio,Bleep and Booster,
Scooby Dooby Doo!
Fine toned anthem for
Marine Boy, and I was always too late
to see George Best Soccer skills
No matter how hard I ran from school
just the solar plexus punch
Of the final credits every time.
Typhoo cards would have to do for me
Dougal in paleblue plastic from the cornflakes
and Bubble gum football heroes
Free from scandal free from vice
Everything is sweet clean and nice
Wndy Miller drunk as a skunk
on cider and windmill dreams
And Mrs Honeyman gossip supreme
Just an idle peddlar of themes
Nobody hung at the end of her
nosey noosey tongue.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The poetry Bus rumbles and rambles on, I can't keep up with the fecking thing, which is excellent, shows it's working and a movin and a shakin.Must get round to ladst weeks passengers but in the meantime here's next Monday's task set nice and early to give us time to chew by ex DJ, journalist, and current top poet, Rachel Fox HERE
Many thanks to both DFTP for setting last weeks challenge and also to Argent for hosting.The Poetry Bus is a co-operation bus. For any bus spotters out there this weeks bus is a 42 A.
Get poeting peeps!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
If you like Pina Colada
and getting caught in the rain,
if you're not into yoga,
if you piss in the drain,
if you wear ladies clothes at midnite,
or dress up in a cape,
then Dublin's the place your looking for,
go right there to escape.
I was hidin' in a lay-by
Iknow that sounds kind of weird,
but you'd do the just same
if your girlfriend grew a beard
Then I realised I was in denial
about my girfriends hairy face
it was the thing that I longed for
that I'd been a disgrace
I was using her wardrobe
but she never knew
all the things that I bought her
I was wearing them too
I wanted to tell her my secret
and not be ashamed
it was me that was wrong
not her beard should be blamed
But her feelings had been hurt now
and I'd left it too late
to tell her I loved her
and that I'd like us to mate
I'd have to find someone new
fall in love and be glad
that being a transvestite
wasn't really all that bad
So I wrote to the paper
took out a personal add
said that I was broken hearted
and feelin really sad
I said I loved drinking poteen
and bog snorkelling in June
I liked eating out at Supermacs
and popping my boils with a spoon
I'm a bit of a cross dresser
and now I like hairy women
that I'm into licking toadstools
and going late night nudey swimmin
I've got a massey Ferguson tractor
tied with twine and red tape
I'll meet you on the bog road
and we'll plan our escape.
I only got one letter
but she seemed really nice
said I'd meet her at the chinese
for wine chicken and rice
So I waited in my high heels
satin knickers trimmed with lace
and I couldnt believe it
when I saw the beard on her face
It was my old manly girlfriend
and she said 'Oh feck it's you'
then we cried for a moment
and she said I never knew
that you like being a woman
coz I like being a man
so why don't we get married
just as fast as we can
We could be in Dublin by midnite
and in the morning tie the knot
your the lady-man I'm looking for
and I think you're really hot
So we travelled by tractor
on that balmy starry night
with her full length beard
she was a lovely sight
That next bright summer's morning
the wedding was a hoot
I looked nice in her white dress
and she looked cool in my suit.
20 years have gone by now
and our love was not in vain
if we had our lives to live over
we'd do it all just the same
we've had our share of good memories
happy days and of tears
but Still we kiss and we cuddle
after all these long years
So if you like Pina Colada
and getting caught in the rain,
if you're not into yoga,
if you piss in the drain,
if you wear rubber gloves at midnite,
and like dressing up in a cape,
then follow our example,
plan your dreams and escape.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
S.I.G and F.A.B captain it's the poetry bus, eager for travel, fettled by Don't Feed The Pixies (hope he is ok) and driven by ace sidekick Argentina. HERE
So go fer it, get writing.Thanks to all who join in and all who drive.If you've offered to drive and I've missed you out, please forgive me and let me know my terrible oversight.New drivers/old drivers always welcome, keep this bus rolling, keep the world turning in the right direction, maybe it can't be changed, but that shouldn't stop us tryin! Think global act local, get on the bus, reach out a hand,say the kind word, put the kettle on, smile at a stranger, give people hope, a second chance, a third one , a fourth one, don't give up, never give up.And if someone really is out of order, out of line, acting the maggot,jumping the queue, putting people down, spreading dis-ease, laughing at the different, mocking the afflicted, by all means forgive him,( to err is human to forgive is divine) turn the other cheek , but be sure and kick the fucker hard in the nuts first. Here endeth the first lesson.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Ok. Slippers lit, pipe on, wife out (mousing), cat cooking (dinner).
Don't feed the Pixies has left the building.We know not why.Maybe he fed the Pixies. But we wish you well DFTP, hope that all is ok and that you will be back to us soon in some form or other. You will be missed and thanks not only for driving the bus this week but for the previous time and for all your journey and songs as passenger. Good luck comrade, a bientot!
Here is DFTP's message and this weeks poetry bus challenge in full.
'Hi there regular readers
I’m really sorry to have to tell you that due to circumstances beyond my control Don’t Feed The Pixies has had to be deleted and will probably be gone by the time you read this.
I had gone to pains to keep my name off the web and had changed the names and places of those involved where speaking about someone or something – but it seems that I have not been careful enough and so to protect myself from any future problems I have had to quit the site.
Thank you for providing light in a tunnel of dullness. I came to the blog world in hope of finding others out there who I might have something in common with, or were just other lost souls looking for new ideas and new thoughts – I have enjoyed meeting you all.
I am not sure whether this blog will continue in any other form. Thank you for visiting
n addition to the above - my challenge for the poetry bus is to ask everyone to write a pome that can be read at a wedding - it mustn't mention god or be religious at all because that's not allowed unless you have a church wedding
Up to you if you host this yourself or ask argent on my behalf xx'
Elsewhere in the madtroplolis the REAL POETRY BUS MAG is
almost upon us.I'm saying no more as I keep saying 'it's nearly here'I'm just getting on with it.
And then also another thing is THE GREAT PRIZE DRAW for The Shed Poets book.Phil Mitchell came round and was filmed doing the draw but then he turned nasty when we explained that we had plenty of craic here but no crack.So he grabbed a bottle of poteen and drank it while setting fire to cooks eyebrows (they are incredibly bushy, the gardener maintains them with the hedge shears)and destroying the tape. So no video evidence but the winner was Uiscebot. So well done to him, the book will wing it's way to him when I get a few euro out of rain abandoned trolleys in the Tesco car park.
So there you have it world. Get writing poems and stay on the rght side of the road unless you're supposed to be on the left side of the road which really is the right side not the wrong side which is whatever side you're not supposed to be depending on which side is the legal side for driving on your planet.Remember folks, the right side is the bright side unless it's raining in which case none of the caterpillars will be butterflies , elephants or Harley Davidson Electra Glide transmission sprockets..
Go now, flitter hither thither and yon, hence ye fecked off out of it, verilly merrily through valley,glade and glen, with gossamer nets in hand, galoshes on foot and (goody! goody!) gumdrops in gob, searching for the last poems of summer.Search buddleia, buttercup and building site, under leaf , rock,arse crack, stone and JCB.For the darkness is but an indifferent mile away, yet I prithee, do not fear for the dark,nope, I beseech you, Nay, nay, and thrice neigh!Rage , rage, ye not against the misunderstood black of night,forsooth indeed,no my friends, tis not the dark that destroyeth the soul, but the dying of the light.
So come on ,let's fughin SHINE!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
But as a special treat Phil Mitchell from Eastenders has kindly agreed to do the draw sometime tomorrs.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Sunshine and lollipops
Colour me in
Give me a hand
A bit washed out
tasting a bit bland
See through blue
Forget black I’ll leave that in the darkness
the progressive revisionist palette of
me myself and I
all singing dancing typing
I’m looking for sunshine and lollipops
The funny ha ha
Walking on the bright side
Run till you drop
Anarchy panicky routes rhythm
Broken people load words
Closed eyes blind thought
Where blue skies are black
Summer sun attack
Burn us everyone
Come come nuclear dumb
Plaudit pundits the
Fruits of their obscurity
growing on every middle class
Spectacles for testicles
Peering out living on the hedge
Choose our lies wisely
Don’t paint it black,
Don’t paint at all.
Friday, September 10, 2010
3 or 4 names in the hat for the Shed Poets book with cover photography by meself, so if you want to win put your name in! I'll do the draw at midnight on Saturday.
Elsewhere in the world there's a colourful prompt from Marion on the poetry bus. I'm looking forward to having a go over the weekend.The link to her blog is HERE
Today is also suicide prevention day. 527 people in The Republic of Ireland died by suicide last year, almost a quarter more than the previous year.That's a worrying trend, particularly among the young and most shockingly of all ,even children.
I guess depression may be a factor and I suppose early contact with a GP might help. Money (or lack of it) may also also a factor (apparently one in ten calls to The Samaritans is now recession related)
It amazes me for instance that Irish banks are bailed out with billions of tax payers money, yet should a tax payer lose their job and be unable to make the mortgage repayments for a while, they will have their home reposessed.
It's also sad, but somehow unsurprising, how many creative people take their own lives.
What caught my attention most is that today is marked as suicide 'prevention' day.The charity 3T's (turning the tide of suicide) would suggest that things can be done to make people aware of help that might be life-saving. I'm not sure how this will work but raising awareness of any issue surely helps towards change.
Thankfully suicide has not affected any members of my family, but it has been on the periphery of my own radar.I've never contemplated suicide, never really come even close, but I recognize fully how it (given any number of factors) could be one of a few paths that would be on the map of a troubled human mind.
A number of candlight vigils have been held around the country organized by 3T's and more are due over the next few days where family, friends and collegues of loved one's lost to suicide are invited to light a candle in their memory.
I'm going to join them in spirit tonight.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
But why not join in the worldwide ART AUCTION while you're here. Grab yourself a bargain, a future proofed investment steady as a bar of Gold (possibly)
5 yes FIVE unique pieces of TFE's agitated mind in the form of self-portraits are going under the hammer, (No not the sledgehammer) each with a reserve( and P+P charge.)
You can bid on any painting at any time but Titus has got us off to a great start with a bid of €30 on the first pic with the single red hand.
Do I hear €35? Anywhere in the room? You madam, with the beard?
Firstly....OOshk!The Poetry Bus Mag is lookin livelier than a box of ferrets on benzadrine crystal meths and buckfast.Susan Sanford (ArtSparker) finished off the cover with the newly supplied list of names in two shakes of her magic art wand.
Thirdly, On the other paw and in a mystical mist of unknownness and intrigue WANTED 'Man and Superman' art installation.(see attached photo, somewhere) Missing in action. Man and Superman the award winning (pending) arty thing fashioned by overweight creative svengali figure TFE Phd (pissed hairless dirty) has disappeared whilst on it's round the world blockbuster tour. Any sightings or information leading to the safe return of this priceless piece of shite, will be rewarded in a telepathic fashion.
Secondly...The good news is, this piece of art was insured for a cool 1 million euro! The bad news is we didn't pay the premium.
6) Competition time!
'Strands of silk' is an excellent book of poetry by The Shed Poets http://shedpoetssociety.blogspot.com A group of six women , Bernie Kenny,Maureen Perkins,Rosy Wilson, Carol Boland, Marguerite Colgan,Judy Russell who meet up every week in a terraced gardn overlooking Killiney Bay.(Lucky feckers!)
Not only does this book have good and I mean really good poems in it, it has one of the best covers ever put onto a book, by moi. All for€7.It's beautifully made too. You really should all go
and buy one ,but if like me you are without money then why not enter The TFE Shed poetry competition!?
Alls you have to do is either
A) send me €50.
F) Leave a comment saying you'd like to be entered into the draw
Finally in order to raise funds I must sell off the Castle D'EEjit's fine art collection. All paintings are poster paint and acylics on canvas board and measure 12" by 16" except one that is 16" by 18". The paintings are open to offers (plus P+P.)
And penultimately, don't forget to BREATHE! Relax, close your eyes, let your horizons expand.And if you're going to do something with yourself, do it today, life is like my legs. Short.
See pics for sale below.Goon ye know yawant one!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Here's the list of contributors.
Ronald Batteson (The Watercats)
Vicky Ind (The Watercats)
Jeanne I. Lakatos
Nuala Ni Chonchuir
Stephen James Smith
Saint James Harris Wood
Zachary Monroe Costello Wood
Soon, soon, soon coming like real soon to a planet near you ! Look to the skies!
(Poetry Government health warning, 'Be aware, The Poetry Bus Magazine can be dangerously addictive') Do not read The Bus and operate machinery at the same time, poems may go up and down as well as across the page. Poetry Bus Magazine is a licensed susidiary of TFE global enterprises. Your home may be lost if you can no longer find it.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
One track played top down
Last chrysalis century
sang the song of
Lies through broken teeth
PraySatellite sisters pray
Play make-believe bombed out brothers
The future is here
Tomorrow was our lucky day
where’s your lucky day
Twisting from the wreckage not knowing where to go
Unsure of where to be
Where we could fit in this piece time
All crying for an epic matinee
A final solid
Transforming skies to freefall
Red green blue sailed boats
Those clipped town horizons slate grey
daddy long legs danced
pebble-dashed hope till death
hung it’s cloak on your frail shoulders
With concrete reality
Well here’s your lucky day
Pissed on the stairwell
madness could break you,
into you, china doll
Burning barrels barter a silence
That won’t descend
Surrender no option
These could be days or years
A veil of tears explode in doubt
Seconds rent life from time
Reality’s corners lit
To and fro corner to bar to..
That can’t be bought back
So cheaply sold the bullet
The best of you blown away
Like dust from a butterfly’s wing
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Swiss has the good idea of compiling an ebook of poems as a memorial and is looking for submissions. Don't worry if (like me) you don't know much about Edwin, even a response to one of his poems would be suitable. I think I'll have a go.
Weaver, unless I'm mistaken (that happens a lot) mentioned /recommended some of his stuff, so Ill go and have a look, or just google him.
Anyways get the full details.... here..
Ps Just checked Weaver's blog and she likes 'Heron' and 'Strawberries' Edwin Morgan poems that is, not lunch.
I'm gona google 'em now and see if I like them or not and if they trigger a response.Onwards!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Pure fiction is driving this week HERE
Many thanks to Karen for driving last week, I think we got the most poems ever! So many thanks to Karen and to everyone for having a go, why not get on board again this week? Your seat is waiting ,PF has the bus spick and span and she has set a very interesting task that should produce some fine poems methinks.
Pure Fiction is an ex oil rig firefighter , country and western singer , bonsai tree specialist, and reformed jewel thief. Currently she runs a high class boutique specialising in corsetry and donkey saddles. A fine athlete she holds the Irish record for the 5 metre dash and was pilot for the two woman and a wardrobe Olympic bobsleigh team.
Get ye away to her fine blogland now, marvel at her miniature pumpkin, and get writing the finest poetry ye have ever written!! A bus is waiting! It's all the fun of the fair for free and without leaving your armchair!Rejoice and be glad that we have 2 legs and all our fingers!